I Believe...

Yesterday I had my weekly writing assignment and I was torn on doing 10 things I believe in and writing the letter to someone I missed dearly. Since I didn't do the 10 things I believe in...I thought I'd do it now! :)

10 THINGS I BELIEVE IN...

1. Family. No matter how crazy we all are and how irritated we can become at one another...family keeps me going. I have such an amazing family and I have amazing in-laws too! I am truly blessed these people are in my life! Family is what helps you through the tough times. Family is what you create memories with. Family is what keeps me going! :)

2. Friends. Where would I be without my friends? I am TRULY TRULY blessed with amazing friends. You know you have true friends when you are sick beyond belief and throwing up, feeling like you are dying, and you can make a phone call and they will show up to take your daughter so you can rest. You know you are truly blessed when you can just be YOU around your friends. It's nice that you don't have to worry that an email isn't long enough or worded right. You don't have to worry that you didn't ask the right questions when sending an email. You don't have to worry that you are busy and had things going on (like a death in the family) and forgot to wish someone a happy birthday or happy anniversary...true friends know that you love them and your thoughts are with them and are probably more worried about what you are going through rather than wishing them happy birthday or anniversary. True friends GET you. You don't have to censor what you say, you don't have to walk on egg shells and you don't have to explain yourself. True friends WANT you in your life and take a general interest in your life - without having to ask them to do so. I am TRULY blessed that the friends in my life right now don't require all those things from me. I am truly blessed with the wonderful friends who love me just as I am!! :)

3. Myself. It's not easy to say "I believe in myself". There are days that I find it hard to believe in a lot of things, especially myself. But you know what? I know I can do anything I set my mind, soul or heart to. I am capable of anything. I am capable of everything.

To read more on the story of this pic...click here.

4. My Marriage. I am not saying my relationship is perfect. In fact I have yet to see a perfect relationship. But I do believe that Erik and I are meant to be and I do believe in our marriage. That doesn't mean there aren't times I want to throw in the towel and walk away. That doesn't mean we don't argue over the stupidest things. That doesn't mean that I don't want to strangle him sometimes. But with all those arguments and tough times, I believe in US. I believe we can make this work. I believe we can get through anything (I think we have already been tested in that aspect) and I think HE is the one I want by my side, sitting on a swing, talking (or not...(sometimes not talking can be the best conversation you have)) when I am old. He is not only my husband, but he is my best friend. I am lucky to have found him and I love him madly.

5. My daughter. I will always believe in my daughter 110%. She is my everything. She has the entire world at her fingertips and I know she can and will do anything and everything she sets her mind to. I will always be her biggest advocate, her strongest supporter, her mother, and her friend.

6. My Higher Power. I believe in God. But...I also believe that even though I don't go to church, nor do I witness to others, that I am not banned from heaven nor do I believe I am a bad person for it. God has helped me through some very tough times in my life when there was no other way to explain how I made it through, other than by a higher power.

7. Karma. I believe in karma 100%. What goes around WILL eventually come around. It may not be today. It may not be tomorrow. It may not be next year. But karma will eventually bite you in the ass. It may also bring you positive things as well. I try and live my life in a way that keeps bad karma away and keeps the positive always coming back.

8. Laughter. What is life without laughter? There is nothing more enjoyable than a laugh filled with tears and a tummy-ache!

9. Honesty. Like karma, I believe that if you are not an honest person that whatever you feel you need to lie about WILL eventually come out. The truth ALWAYS does. Like with karma, it may not be today, tomorrow or even next year...but the truth will ALWAYS come out.

10. Champagne. When all else fails...crack open a bottle of champagne and just take a breather! There is nothing better than good friends and family around, laughing my ass off, while having some champagne!

What do you believe in?

Missing you...

So I am back from a mini-vacation that was wayyyy too mini if you ask me! The husband, the munchkin and I headed up to Sea Ranch to spend a few days with my dad and step-mom who were vacationing for their 26th wedding anniversary. It was a GREAT trip - but like I said...just too short. Pictures and a blog to follow in the next few days.

I came back to find my homework waiting for me from Kat. The four topics I had to choose from are as follows:

1.) Lost? How come?
2.) If I could take tomorrow off work I'd...
3.) Write a letter to someone you miss greatly
4.) 10 things I believe in...

My first choice was to write a letter to my grandmother. She has been on my mind a lot lately so this is for her:

Mam-ma...

Today marks one month and 25 days since you passed. It seems like so much longer to me. Just writing that it has only been a little over one month since you died just shocked me.

I think about you all the time and wonder if you are watching all the things Emily is doing these days. I am pretty sure you are. It makes me smile and makes my heart a little warm every time she says "Mimi". I can't help but think that maybe she sees you and is saying hi. Today was the second time she said "Mimi" and waved to the wall and said "hi" since you passed. I can't help but think you were here watching us play when she did that. I found myself turning around expecting to see you standing there smiling, but you weren't there.

I wonder what it's like up there in heaven. I wonder if you are dancing with your friends and family and playing cards. I wonder what it feels like to be able to look down on all of us to make sure we are okay. I have no doubt you are feeling better. I know you can breathe better and walk great distances with no problem. Like I said, I bet you are dancing up there - something you liked to do but haven't really been able to for so long.

I hope you liked the headstone we picked out. We weren't sure exactly what to do with all your different last names, so I hope what we picked out is okay! I think it will be, but I know how picky you can be so I hope you like it too! I also hope you liked the flowers I brought you the past few times I was out to see you.

I was going through my phone the other day looking for a friend's number that began with "M" and I saw your phone number programmed. I thought for a minute that maybe I should delete it, but then told myself I couldn't. I know I can't reach you by phone any longer but I am just not ready to take it out. I know that I can just talk to you any time I miss you (which you know has been a lot these days) and you will hear me.

Well Mam-ma, I must run and get in the shower. Emily is suppose to be napping (but as you can probably see she's playing instead of doing that) and I need to shower so I can run errands. I am going to your favorite store this morning...Wal-Mart. I wish you were here to go with me.

I love you and I miss you and I will "talk" to you soon...

Love you and miss you dearly...

your granddaughter...

Neen.

Expanding My Procrastination Time :)

No blog yesterday as I was...oh how do they say it...praying to the porcelain goddess, talking to ralph on the big white phone, meeting up with my friends ralph and earl...or in other words...suffering from food poisoning! :( I had no idea that food poisoning can show up as late as 48 hours after eating something bad (for me it was about 12 hours). I always thought it happened pretty quickly - as in a few hours. I was wrong. Or at least google and Kaiser told me I was wrong. I had all the symptoms of food poisoning and am 95% better today (just really tired) so I am guessing that is what it was.

I was advised by Kaiser (for those who don't know what Kaiser is - it's my HMO) to come in for IV fluids and a shot to have me stop throwing up...and...er...stop having the big D since my fever was getting higher and higher from not being able to keep any type of fluids down. I told them I would but then decided to hydrate myself. Amazingly by that point (730pm) I was able to keep things down. I even kept down some pedialyte and toast and low and behold...the fever went away! :) I was SO THANKFUL for my mother-in-law and sister-in-law who came over after work to help with Emily. Poor little Emily didn't understand why her mommy was crying so much (I cry when I am super sick) and why I was always closing the door in the bathroom. Today I think she has forgiven me! :)

At any rate...I am off track. The reason for this blog is...expansion. Maybe I should call it procrastination since I am so great at that! Hmmm...at any rate...I read this on Darcie's blog and thought it was a great idea! :) I am going to expand my blog roll! I want to encourage all of you to do so too! :) After all, we can all use more distractions right?

Here's what you do: Go to four of your favorite blogs and pick a blog from their blog roll that you've never visited or commented on. You then add that blog to your blog roll or feed, read them for at least a month (by which time there should be no turning back!) and give them a chance to invade your life.

Then duplicate the main part of this post with a note on whose blog you got it from. Name the four new blogs you are going to read, tell briefly why you chose them and whose blog roll they came from. And if you want, coerce others mercilessly into joining in!

So here goes...

The first blogger I chose from is Wendy. I went to her page and found a blog entitled Handle Life With Care and I just couldn't pass it up. The name of the blog just stuck out and therefore it's now on the blogroll! :)

I then travelled over to Kat's page and picked the blog entitled I Need A Martini...Now. How could I pass up a blog with that title??? I think I have said that more than once in my life time! :)

From there I went back to Darcie's page and couldn't pass up the blog entitled Sex Diaries of a Mom. I mean come on...could you pass that up?

And lastly...I went on over to Val's blog and picked out The Brilinski Family . I picked this one because the first post I read was so sweet and I LOVE reading birth stories. I couldn't pass it up! :)

Now it's time for all my fellow bloggers to join in the fun! :)

Sweet little Emily is off in sleep-land right now and I think momma is heading there too! :)

...'til next time! :)

Cachinnate

Today is my weekly assignment given to me by a fellow blogger. I had four choices to choose from. I figured the one requiring me to open a dictionary and close my eyes, point to a word and then write about if it means something to me or not would be different and fun.

My word...

cach·in·nate [kak-uh-neyt] –verb

to laugh loudly or immoderately.

This word totally suited me today. For one, I need to laugh more. Laughing does SO MUCH for one's soul. It can instantly get rid of a bad mood, tension, stress, depression, sadness, irritability, anxiety, grief, you name it. Laughter is one of the best medicines there is. I have gone through A LOT this year...losing family members to death, friends to differences, and even a part of myself to the new role I have undertook...the role of a new mommy/wife and stay-at-home mom (while trying to create balance because I am still a business owner). It's been hard on me and it's been a hard adjustment. I haven't been laughing as much as I have in the past and I am determined to change that...and yesterday helped...

I spent pretty much all day yesterday "cachinnating". My friend Val's daughter (they have both been mentioned in this blog quite a few times) turned one yesterday so we spent the day together with our girls, champagne, and laughter. I feel blessed to have found a friend who can laugh her ass butt off with me at silly things our girls do (or don't do), can drink champagne at 1pm, and can eat chocolate chip morsels out of the bag! :)

It was SUCH a great day yesterday that I still find myself "cachinnating" today! :)

Cheers to friends, toddlers, laughter and champagne! :)

A Little About Me...

Okay...so I wasn't tagged to do this like other people were - but dang it - I want to participate too! I love surveys and such and thought why not! :)

At the bottom I will tag some of my blogger friends (be sure to check out their answers...or to leave them mean responses if they don't participate...okay...semi kidding about that last part). Be sure to leave nice responses if they do! :)

So here goes...

1. Where were you 10 years ago?

September 1998. Can I even remember back that far? Let's see...I was dating a guy that was a total loser, working in the law field, and living on my own - in my own apartment. I was having fun with friends going to clubs and didn't seem to have a care in the world! Life was grand (minus the crappy boyfriend) and I was having fun! I was 24.

2. What is on today's To Do List?

To get in the friggen shower instead of blogging. But...oops...looks like I have messed that up already!

We are going to have to go to Costco to pick up some pictures and we are having a family friend over for dinner.

3. What would you do if you were a billionaire?

First and foremost, I'd buy a house. I'd pay off all bills and then buy a nice house. Heck...I'd also buy a house on a bluff at the ocean and maybe one in Tahoe too! :)

College funds for Emily and unborn child (no...I am not pregnant but I do plan on having another child) would be set up and money would be put away for them when they are older...and mature enough to handle it.

I'd then share the wealth. Not with everyone...(although I bet some people I don't even talk to would re-enter my life!) but with family and friends that could really use some help. I'd buy a few family/friends a house and help them out as much as I could!

I would also donate money to a few different charities. I am not sure which ones right now - it will take some thinking...but charities will be on the receiving end of my money.

4. Name 5 places you have lived:

- Antioch, California
- Concord, California
- Walnut Creek, California
- American Canyon, California
- No 5th place

5. Name 3 of your bad habits:

- Eating habits
- Overly emtional/sensitive
- Procrastination (like right now!)

6. What are your favorite snacks?

Ice cream...peanut butter and chocolate...chips...cheesecake...cupcakes...regular cake...

Okay...don't ask me this when I am hungry!

7. Who will you tag for this?

I am tagging a few...don't disappoint me fellow bloggers! :)

I am tagging Momma Kiss over at her blog

Val is also being tagged over at her blog

Ms. Darcie is being tagged at her blog

Kim over at her blog

And last but not least...

Ms. Serenity at her blog!

I Am On A Blog Roll! :)

Okay - I am not on a blog roll in the sense of being on someone else's page about blogs they read (although I am on some)...but I am on a blog roll as this is my third friggen blog for today and it's only 1230! BUT...I am just TOO FRIGGEN EXCITED that I had to share my dorkiness...

My friends and I are going to see...


Wait for it...

Wait for it...



NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK! :)

We are sitting center stage - 11 rows back (we are in row L which makes it 12 rows...but since the Arco Arena does not have a row "I" - it makes it 11 rows!). We are all freakin' excited!

I was a major New Kids fan back in the day. Yes, as embarassing as it is to admit...I was one of *those* girls! LOL! And now...since I am so giddy and excited...I am guessing I am STILL one of *those* girls. Okay...not in the weird obssessed way my friends and I were back then...but still excited none-the-less to see them!

Erik is BEYOND excited to sit home and watch Emily and BEYOND excited I am not making him go. I don't think I could make him go - even if I bribed him with millions of dollars! I am BEYOND excited for Mama's Night Out! Three overly excited 30-somethings (Val...you are being lumped into the 30-something category because you are almost joining this elite group) singing, dancing, and probably drinking to old memories! :) YAY! :)

Yes, we are all three dorks...but excited ones! :)

Silly Sevens

Okay...yes...I JUST blogged and am blogging again! I super puffy heart (as Val says) "surveys" (so-to-speak) and when presented with one - I can't pass it up! I was reading Jo-Jo's blog and she must have read quite a few other blogs who did this too...and I thought this would be fun...

So now I am doing it too! :)

7 things I do well:
1. Love
2. Drive (unless you ask my husband)
3. Listen
4. Divorces (it is what I do for a living)
5. BBQ potatoes
6. Text Msg (stop laughing - you know you do it too!)
7. Take Millions of Pictures to remember events!

7 things I don't do well:
1. Handle ants
2. Bedrest
3. Lie
4. Care for plants/flowers
5. Create Great headers for blogs (keeping Jo-Jo's answers)
6. Cook (although I CAN cook...it isn't something I love to do - especially since I am not confident with it)
7. Keeping the gas tank full and not letting the gas light come on (also keeping Jo-Jo's answer)

7 things I have never done:
1. Been out of the country (to me Tiajuana and Canada don't count)
2. Bungee Jumped
3. Been on a cruise
4. Been skiing/snowboarding
5. Jumped out of an airplane
6. Given birth naturally
7. Met my great-grandparents

7 things I want to do:
1. TRAVEL!
2. Get a degree
3. Get a new car
4. Become more outgoing (see blog below)
5. Have another child
6. Have a honeymoon
7. Get proposed to

7 things I say often:
1. Love you bye
2. I love you
3. Emily...no
4. "Oh wow" (copying Emily)
5. "leeeegggssss" (to make Emily laugh)
6. Rar
7. "nigh-nigh" time?

7 things my kids think I say often:
1. I just love love love you
2. Nigh nigh time?
3. Emily...no
4. Uh-oh
5. Wow
6. Where is Emily's belly?
7. Where is the banana?

7 things I will NEVER say:
1. I love ants
2. I love fruits/veggies
3. I love to run (keeping jo-jo's answer)
4. I hate champagne
5. I just LOVE when she is teething
6. I love changing poopy diapers! :)
7. I think I'll give up carbs.

Sunday Thoughts...

Sometimes I wish I was a more outgoing person. I wonder why I am so shy and quiet if I don't know people? I have always been this way...a type of social-anxiety I guess. I tend to get anxious when I have to go to events that I really won't know people at. Sure, I may know one or two people, but I can't just hang with them the entire time because they will know others and will also hang out with them. Plus...in situations like this, it's weird to follow someone around the entire time, isn't it? Maybe that's just me overthinking?

I tend to find it hard to strike up conversations when faced with these social events. I notice that my voice is quiet when I talk. What is that all about? Is it low self-esteem? Is it from childhood? Is it a friggen disorder? I don't know. Maybe I should look into it?

Now, I can say, if I know you already...I am totally fine. If I know you some-what...I am fine then too...for the most part. I will probably be a tad more quiet than I would be with someone that I know well. If I am drinking and have a slight buzz, I am totally fine then too. I guess it's that liquid courage they speak about. I love me some liquid courage! :)

I am envious of my husband when it comes to being social. He has NO problem talking to complete strangers. He has NO problem in social situations where he doesn't know a soul. He will make friends with people he doesn't know, or at a minimum, at least be able to strike up a conversation. He doesn't care if he makes a fool out of himself. He is just *that* guy that everyone likes. I wish I could be more outgoing like that but it isn't who I have been my entire life. Maybe it is someone I can become - but it feels like a difficult task!

I have other friends and family that are like my husband too. They have no problem talking to anyone and everyone. I have always admired them for their outgoingness (is that a word?).

Maybe I am the only shy/quiet one in my circle of friends and family? It is REALLY funny to me that some of my friends and family never believe me when I say I am shy and quiet. They tell me they have never seen that part of me. Maybe they haven't because I am comfortable around them? I don't know? But I would think at SOME point they would have seen that? Perhaps when I first met some of my friends? I don't know? Maybe I do a better job socially than I think??? Hmmmm...likely? Perhaps not. But maybe?

My Writing Assignment...

So after reading my friend's blog I decided to tackle the writing assignment she did.

The assignment: write a letter to yourself from 20 years in the future. Kind of scary to think I'll be 54!!! But at any rate...here goes:

Dear Denise at age 34...

Relax. When I say relax, I don't mean it as taking a vacation and resting. I mean it as relaxing with your expectations. There is no such thing as perfect, so quit thinking there is. Do your best and be okay with the fact that you are doing your best. Life isn't easy, you know that, so quit trying to re-create it as so. You are a wonderful woman and people love you just the way you are. If you keep trying to please everyone instead of yourself, you'll end up a very unhappy person. Don't do that to yourself. You are too special. If people have a problem with you saying "no" then remember it is THEIR problem and not yours. It's okay to put yourself first. It's okay to take time out for YOU.

Cherish. Cherish every single moment you have with your daughter. As you have already learned, time flies by. Don't wake up 5, 10 years down the road having missed things in her life. Don't get upset with her if she's up at 2am playing, or is fussy or crying non-stop. You will REALLY want these times back the older she gets. So take a deep breath when it's a hard day and look at her, hold her, and tell her you love her. I promise the more you do that, the easier the hard day becomes. Be there for her for everything as best you can. Remember her firsts. Don't stop updating her baby book. If you have another child, don't stop updating his/her book either. They will thank you for it when they are older. Be her friend, be her mother, be her safe place.

Laugh. Laugh often. You don't seem to laugh as much these days and you need to. Don't get annoyed when your husband cracks a stupid joke...instead laugh. It will make you feel better. Surround yourself with friends that make you laugh. Laugh at all the cute and silly things your daughter does. When you laugh, your heart softens and laughs with you. You need that right now...so do it. The less you laugh, the more unhappier you become. Don't do that to yourself. You are too good of a person to be an unhappy one. You have too much to offer the world and you won't be able to do it if you are grumpy and pissy all the time.

Believe. Believe in yourself. You have a real problem doing this. But you know what? If you don't ever start believing in yourself, you will be 54, stuck in a rut and unhappy because you didn't believe in yourself enough to try new things. Sure, change is scary. Sure, not knowing if the decision to go back to school is the right one. But believe you me, if you don't at least figure it out and attempt it NOW, you will be disappointed later on. So what if people don't think changing careers is the RIGHT choice. It isn't THEIR choice. It's YOURS. If you aren't 100% sure if this is the right path you want to take, then test the waters and then make your decision. There is NOTHING wrong with looking into it. You want a future. You want security. Trust me. Go for it! Jump with both feet. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF! YOU CAN DO THIS!

Remember. Remember your husband needs just as much as you do. He needs to be reminded that you appreciate all his hard work that he puts in to provide for you and Emily. Sure, the situation isn't ideal for you right now, but remember, it probably isn't ideal for him either. Neither of you had a chance to really map things out. Neither of you had a clue what to expect. That's okay. But stop trying to tell him that you sacrifice more. I know it feels that way, but he has sacrificed A LOT too and he needs to be appreciated for that. He has given up a lot for you and Emily, just like you have given up a lot for him and Emily. You need to stop one-upping him all the time and remember that both of you have given up a lot. Just like you need to be appreciated, adored, respected and loved, HE needs that too. You don't get away with treating him bad but hold him accountable when he treats you bad. You need to remember that even if he doesn't cry or carry on like you, doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings. You need to remember how it feels when he has attitude with you because HE FEELS THE SAME WAY when you have it towards him. Remember to put him first. Remember to love him. Remember to talk with him. Remember to respect him. Remember to adore him.

Build. Build a better relationship with your husband. Stop holding grudges. It's okay to be upset for a little bit, but then walk out, throw your arms around him and say you are sorry. You have a VERY hard time saying you are sorry. Stop that. It makes you look like you don't care. I know you care and I know it's hard for you to admit wrongdoing, but the more you act that way, the better the chance you are making for your relationship to head to divorce court. Communicate with him. You NEED that. You need to be able to talk to him about how you feel and you need to learn to calm down when you do it. He's human. He makes mistakes. He isn't perfect and neither are you. Sure there are things you'd like to change about him, but don't think there aren't things he wouldn't like to change about you. Stop fighting. Stop being over-emotional. Give him a chance. You two didn't plan your wedding or your daughter, but let it go. You can plan now. Plan to work on things. Plan to be better friends. Plan to communicate more. Plan to build a solid foundation - not only for you, but for your children. You want happiness - so reach for it - get it. Don't EVER think someone else will bring it to you. It comes from within, and you know that.

Let it go. Let the argument you had recently go. Can you even remember what you were arguing about? Is it really doing you good to still be upset? Let it go. He loves you. He was hurt just like you. Let it go.

Accept. Accept that you aren't perfect and life will never be perfect. Accept that your situation right now isn't ideal for you but accept that it won't ALWAYS be this way. Accept that you have to sacrifice right now and accept that your husband does too. Accept that it's okay to travel with your daughter. Accept it may be hard to pack up all her stuff, but if you don't do it now, you'll never have the memories that will keep you going for years to come. Accept that you may never be a size 5 and stop trying to be. Accept you for YOU. Accept that you are a good person, mother, wife, daughter, friend, cousin, grandchild. Accept who you are and accept who you are not. Accept everything life has to offer you...you deserve it.

I love you so very much,

Denise at age 54.

Checkin' Out...

Emily had her well-baby appointment today! Everything checked out perfectly!

She is above-average when it comes to her speech and language skills and is right on track with her eating habits (or lack thereof).

Emily has MSPI (milk/soy protein intolerance) and the one-year mark is when we can start introducing milk and soy back into her diet. I am scared to death to reintroduce it but we are going to attempt it here very soon. I am looking forward to her trying her very first ice cream cone! Every time we have ice cream, she looks at it like she wants to try it, and now, we can let her have some! It's a VERY scary thing for me to try the milk and soy because I definitely don't want to see any bloody diapers ever again. It will be a waiting game once we reintroduce everything. We may not know that it is causing issues for up to two weeks after she tries it. But...hopefully she's outgrown the intolerance and everything will work out just fine!

She had a blood test for anemia today. I also had to have a blood test for a routine physical. They called both of us in together but I asked them to take her blood first and then I would come in. It breaks my heart anytime she has to get shots (which she didn't have to do today since we are dealying some) or have bloodwork (which she has had numerous times). I could hear her screaming and crying as they took her blood and was thankful Erik was in there with her. After I was all done I came out and showed Emily my bandage too and she grabbed my hand and just held it. It was super cute!

At any rate...our baby's stats are in...

She is a whoppin' 24 pounds, 7 ounces. This puts her at the 91% for weight.
She is a whoppin' 31.5 inches in height which puts her at 98% for height.
Her head circumference is proportionate at 44.5 cm for a 32% average.

She is growing right along! It's hard to believe I have a toddler now! :)

In Loving Memory...

Today is a day filled with a bunch of different emotions. My heart and prayers go out to every single person affected by the tragedy on September 11, 2001. I guess in other words, my heart goes out to everyone. We were all affected in some way, shape or form.

At least 2,985 people died in the September 11th attacks, including:

**343 NYFD firefighters and paramedics
**23 NYPD police officers
**37 Port Authority police officers
**1 NYFD firefighter killed by a man jumping off the top floors of the twin towers

Being married to a firefighter and knowing other police officers, this day always hits home so deeply. To hear of any firefighter or police officer experience a LODD (line of duty death), it always reminds me of the sacrifice that not only our firefighters and police officers make, but our military personnel make as well.

My heart grieves with the families and friends of every single person that was lost in this horrific tragedy. Not only did family and friends lose a loved one, but we all did. We all felt the pain, we all shed tears, we all prayed and held vigils. We were all affected, each and every one of us.

We Will Never Forget...



In Loving Memory to everyone who lost their life...

Semi-Wordless Wednesday

I am going to stick with the red background *for now* - until I have time to look for another! Also...I never do Wordless Wednesday - but I may not have a chance to blog today - so why not share pics! :)

Hmmm...Not Too Sure...

I changed the background (obviously) but not sure I like the red...

I was thinking something more fall-like - which it is...but not sure I like it. Does it seem too dark??

What do you all think?

It's All Over

Emily's party is all over now! We had a great time - even if it was over 100 degrees outside (and it definitely felt over 100 inside too!) She got a billion presents and I got quite a few too! Words can't express how blessed I feel to have such wonderful, caring people in my life! I was so touched at the turn out and touched that people that couldn't attend even sent gifts. That is so nice! I didn't get as many pictures as I would like but we did get a few! Emily was so distracted with all the pretty presents and all the people that I don't think I got any of her looking AT the camera - but that's okay!

YAY for 1st birthdays!





YAY for swimming! It was sooooooooooooooooo hot!



Not sure I like this birthday cake stuff...



Okay...changed my mind...I love it!



The three of us...battling extreme heat...(notice the hair is turning fluffy/curly from all the sweat! LOL!)



After the kiddie party was over - some of the adults stayed for drinks and Catchphrase. I wasn't feeling too well (I think it was the heat) but had a blast regardless! I laughed a lot and can still see our silly shenanigans while playing that game!

I have been recuperating from some sort of flu/bug - something...the past few days! Today I was FINALLY able to keep food down so I am assuming I am on the mend! I was just looking through all of Emily's and my gifts and I can't express how touched I feel. Like I said earlier, we are SO blessed.

To everyone that attended or sent cards or just well wishes...thank you thank you thank you from the bottom of my heart! It means more than you'll ever know!

For My Precious Daughter...

To my precious daughter, Emily...

Today is your first birthday! I can't believe it's been a year since you entered the world! You had entered our hearts long before you made your appearance but our love for you has grown stronger and stronger with every second of every day.

I remember when the doctor said "we have feet" as you were being born. I could not see what was going on, but I knew you were here...you were mine...you were everything to me! I heard you cry and I started crying too knowing that my daughter was now here. I was so exhausted from 3.5 hours of pushing, but when I saw your beautiful face with your amazing bright blue eyes taking in the world...all that pain, all that tiredness, all that exhaustion went away. You were so unbelievable that I could never put it into words! You were BY FAR the absolute BEST birthday present I could ever have!

This past year has been so awesome! I can't believe how incredibly blessed I am. It is so amazing to see you grow and learn and become the person you are. Your personality is so awesome and we are so incredibly blessed with such a happy happy baby!

Your smile and laugh can melt even the hardest of hearts. Your outgoing personality can make anyone having a bad day instantly feel better. Your beautiful curious eyes are just so amazing to watch as you take the world in. I can get lost just watching you for hours.

I love the hugs you give. I love your slobbery kisses. I love when you have to hold my hand, or pull my hair, in order to sleep. I love napping with you, falling asleep holding hands. I love hearing you try to say new words like "green" or "pretty" or "mommy" instead of "momma". I love how you laugh at silly things that I do. I love how you are experiencing all your "firsts" and I love that you do it with so much amazement. There isn't anything about you that I don't love. You are truly everything to me. You are my heart. You are my soul. I am proud you are my daughter. I don't know what I have done in my life to be so incredibly blessed...but I must have done something right!

I love you baby girl! Happy First Birthday!

Love,

Mommy

For those interested click here to read her birth story

And now my tons of photos taking me down memory lane....

From just a little bean...



To 20 weeks pregnant...


To 32ish weeks pregnant...


38 weeks pregnant...


To just getting ready to go in to deliver you...


To the moment of your birth...


and the moments after...






To just growing up...