I AM...

This is an oldie but a goodie...and one that fits perfectly today...

I AM...

I am thankful. This has not always been an easy walk for me.

I am disappointed. We have missed family gatherings, weddings, dinner engagements, birthday parties, and holidays because of shift schedules and overtime.

I am patient. There have been dinners spent at the firehouse waiting for Daddy to return from a call while the kids get cranky and the food gets cold.

I am nervous. I awake at 3:00 A.M. hearing creaks in the house and don't have the comfort of my husband beside me.

I am tired. The house is full of sick kids and there is no relief in site because Daddy is on a seventy-two-hour shift.

I am jealous. Jealous of all the women whose husbands came home at 5:00 P.M. to have dinner and hold them at the end of their day.

I am worried. I worry that he may not come home one day. This I try to tuck away.

I am content. We have decided to give up my career so I can stay home and raise our children. We no longer have an abundance of money or things. It is the greatest freedom I have ever known.

I am incompetent. There was a time when I considered myself moderately intelligent. I now struggle to remember where I left my car keys, the diaper bag, and, occasionally, the baby.

I am waiting. Knowing the phone may one day ring for me.

I am doubting. Doubting that God hears all my prayers. Doubting I am the kind of wife and mother He needs me to be.

I am trusting. Trusting that my husband will come home again.

I am confident, I am embarrassed, I am lonely, I am surprised, I am overworked, I am underpaid.

I am...The Fireman's Wife.

Family Tradition I Suppose?

Yesterday hubby, munchkin and I were able to squeeze in a 3D/4D ultrasound. I was so excited to go and see what the new baby looks like!

She is definitely still a she. She has 10 fingers and 10 toes. She is SOOOOO cute. I know this because she is mine. But...

I couldn't really tell just how incredibly adorable she is. Those cute little fingers and toes were in front of her face the whole time. No matter how many times I rolled around or coughed, she kept her face covered. The munchkin did the same thing!

We got SOME profiles (or shall I say...partial profiles) and she looks like she has chubby cheeks - like the munchkin! :) Other than that...she is done with the paparazzi looking at her. Both of our daughters didn't want anything to do with giving a us a preview.

We will go back in three weeks to try again and we are PRAYING for better results.

Here are some for you to try and decipher for now...


Yeah...can't tell what this is. But I assure you, it's all those fingers and toes blocking the face.



Sort of the side of her face...probably hard to make out for most of you...



And that's pretty much it. That's all we can really see. Sigh.

PRAYING the next go-round turns out a lot better! If not...well...we'll just have to be patient like we were with the munchkin! :)

27 weeks

Here we are just a week shy of the third trimester. Lots of changes have taken place in the last few days it seems like.

First...morning sickness has returned. So unfair if you ask me. But each morning, I get the wonderful sickness of pregnancy.

Second...the fatigue has returned, accompanied with not being able to pick up things off the floor as easily, or even put on pants as easily.

Third...in the last 2 days...the belly has REALLY grown. I am not sure what that is all about - but as of Friday, it was noticeable. Not only to me, but to everyone else.

It's scary to think that my belly is going to get bigger. I know it will because that's just what happens. But how scary! It's already uncomfortable!

The baby supposedly weighs 2 pounds now and as far as we know, all is going well.

We FINALLY ordered all the furniture and am praying it arrives in time.

I have my one hour glucose test Thursday the 24th and am praying to pass that. I didn't have problems with the kid (aka the munchkin) with gestational diabetes but this pregnancy is also different than it was with the kid.

So we will see. Hoping to have a 3d/4d done soon too! Once we do, I'll be sure to post pictures! :)

Sunday Thoughts...

Today I feel...a tad disappointed in someone

Tomorrow I am looking forward to...another new day! :)

Yesterday I...looked for baby furniture and we came up empty.

Right now I really want to...tell someone how I feel but have learned to just take a step back.

Five minutes from now...I will be hopping in the shower.

My favorite thing of today so far is....that the kid wanted me to read her "Hands Are Not For Hitting" about 92358230582305832508 times. I hope it sinks in!

Recently I...found out the last of my extended family was moving out of state. I will miss him and it makes me sad since him and I are so close.

I would change...the behavior of someone if I actually could.

I often wonder...what the new baby will look like and how she will act.

I am thankful for...the people in my life.

I am sad for...the fact my family has really dwindled down. :(

I am excited for...fall to hurry up and get here! :)

I am happy for...a friend of mine whose surgery was a success! And I am happy for her funny texts and tweets! :)

I am thinking about...life.

I can't wait to...take our trip to Oregon! :)

I wonder why...the kid is STILL awake and not napping!

I love it when...I am with those I love! I think it's the best feeling in the world!

I don't like it when...I am pregnant and it's 3209850325803258 degrees outside! :)

Right now...I am signing off to shower and get movin' so I can hang out and run errands with a friend and then hopefully play some wii! :)

When all else fails...walk on bumps...

Dear munchkin...

Today you turn two. These past two years have given me so much joy, I cannot ever begin to put it into words. I have watched you grow from a newborn, to a running, talking, laughing, reading, coloring, and yes temper tantrumy two-year old.

You have learned so many new things and so have I. You have taught me a love that I have NEVER felt before. You have taught me patience when I NEVER thought I'd have it. You have taught me laughter at silly things that before I wouldn't think were so silly. You have taught me the simple joy of walking on bumps. Sounds funny doesn't it? But I think it's adorable that when your daddy and I are stressed out and we hear from the back seat of the car "I want to walk on bumps" that we can remember that life can be so simple and little things like that can bring so much joy. I take that with me and try to remember that when I am stressed, just enjoy the little things, and walk on bumps.

You have showed me how amazing a hug can feel. You have helped me grow as a person. You have made me cry just by rocking you to sleep. Not a bad cry, but an "I am so overwhelmed with love right now" cry. You have given me more than words can express. All in the short span of two years.

You mean the world to me. I am so excited and so very proud to call you my daughter. My love will only continue to grow for you. I will always be there for you every step of the way. I will protect you and love you. I am excited to see what this world holds for you. THANK YOU for being MINE.

I love you...

Mommia

Midlife...

Might as well just start this blog like all the others..."It's been forever since I blogged..." - there. Said it. Now I can continue! :)

I am having a hard time grasping that the munchkin will be TWO on Saturday. I still can't believe it. I almost think she should graduate from "munchkin" to "kid". We shall see.

I also can't believe I will be celebrating my FOURTEENTH anniversary of my 21st birthday on Saturday too! Growing up, this age seemed SO OLD. It's funny how the older you get - those "old" ages aren't so old anymore. Someone that dies at 70 to me is still quite young. As of Saturday - I "officially" enter mid-life. That means half of my life is over. It's quite crazy if you ask me. It brings up a lot of emotions, feelings, thoughts. Have I done everything I wanted to? Have I let stupid things go? Have I focused on what is IMPORTANT and stopped worrying about the little things? Have I learned to understand that people make mistakes and no one is perfect so when I get hurt or angry to remember they are just as human as I am? Have I taken time to take care of myself? Have I laughed enough? Smiled enough? Hugged enough?

Yes and no to all of those. I am at the point where I am now doing all the things I wanted. I have an amazing husband, a beautiful daughter and another beautiful daughter on the way. I am also a homeowner. All those things can be checked off the list. I have AMAZING family that I know I can count on if I need them. I have great friends that will also be there for me when I need them...even if it puts them out. THAT right there is all I need.

I am a work in progress with learning to let the stupid things go - but I must admit between a year or two ago and now...I have learned to let the little stupid things go. Again, I remind myself that everyone is human. Everyone makes mistakes. I probably make the most. When someone pisses me off or hurts my feelings, I talk it out - in my head. Weird I suppose, but that's what I need to do. I have learned that people I love and people that love me don't intentionally set out to hurt me with their actions.

I am still learning to focus on what is important and not spend so much time worrying about what isn't. Again, it is definitely a work in progress. I have been one that likes perfection my whole life. I want everything to be perfect and when things are out of my control...I stress. I am learning to stop that nonsense but it isn't always easy. My husband is the same way and we tend to remind one another to chill out when we get that way. It's a good reminder to have someone call me on it! :) I mean come on, the house may be messy but we are all happy. The laundry may need to get done, but playing with the munchkin is more important. Dinner may need to be cooked, but if I am exhausted and sick and need to rest then take out isn't all that bad. Like I said, a work in progress. I can't please everyone and the moment I try to take care of everyone instead of myself...I fail. I have to remember to stop and take care of ME too - otherwise I WON'T even make it to 70!

Have I taken care of myself? The answer is flat-out no. I haven't taken the time to work out more, eat better, and relax when I need to. I am always thinking there is more to be done and those things can wait. I think this will be the hardest one for me to do, but as my 14th anniversary of that 21st birthday gets closer, I am making it my goal to start doing that. If I don't take care of me, who will? If I don't take care of me, I won't be around for my children or husband. If I don't take care of me, I will be remembered as the girl who always took care of everyone else and "damn we miss her", but I won't be HERE, and that, to me, is more important. I WANT to see my children grow up, get married, have babies of their own. I WANT to be old and feeble with my husband. I want to look at him when I am 70 (and the he is only 66) and hold his hand on that porch swing and be happy where I am. I won't get that if I don't focus on myself at times. I DO NOT think it's selfish to take care of ME and that's what I need to learn to do.

Have I smiled, laughed and hugged more? Again, a work in progress. I need to remember to do that. I fail to do that sometimes because I am too wound up with everything else. So that's what I am learning to do.

I hope on my 40th birthday I can look back over the previous 5 years and realize that I accomplished all the things I wanted to work on and be happy with my progress! I am sure these lessons won't be easy, but they are worth it. I am worth it, and so are the people I love!