Can't Even Put It Into Words - and a Reminder to All

I hesitated on writing this blog. But I am. I am sad, devastated, scared, pissed, grateful, and every other emotion under the sun.

On Wednesday, for the 2nd time in FOUR months...we were burglarized. The first time, they just hit the garage. This time, they hit the house.

Hubby, munchkin and I made our way out of the house around 4pm to go to Sears to purchase a new fridge for the new house. We were gone 3.5 hours. Our neighbors dog was going crazy between 4-5 they told us.

We got home, I was the first to enter the house and as I went to walk down our hallway I froze. I looked at hubby (who was still in the garage with munchkin in his arms) and said "someone's been inside here". He said "what do you mean" and I said "I think someone has been here". In the hall were a few boxes from the hall closet. Hubby looked at me and said "I REALLY hope those just fell down and opened the door". Then he looked in our bedroom. His choice of wording explained it all. I didn't even need to take a step closer to our bedroom. I knew.

Panic. Fear. Devastation. Feeling violated. Emotions that I don't even know how to put into words overcame me. I walked right into the office (didn't even look in our room), grabbed the phone and called 911.

After getting off the phone with 911 I was able to look at our room. It was THRASHED. My jewelry EVERYWHERE, purses EVERYWHERE, stuff from our closets - EVERYWHERE. They had been under our bed (we have one of those beds with the drawers and cubby holes underneath).

From first glance, I could tell they probably had some of my jewelry, they took hubby's gun and ammo, and I walked in the front room to see our Wii was gone too.

The police arrived quickly (although honestly, it felt like forever) and were in the room with hubby. My sister-in-law happened to call RIGHT as we got home, so she immediately came over and took care of Emily and put her to bed for us. I couldn't have been MORE grateful for that.

We had to list out what we could tell was gone and wait for the police to take fingerprints. I thought we pretty much knew what was gone until hubby walked into the kitchen where I was talking to a cop and brought out a box. My heart dropped and I said "don't tell me they took that too." They had. Our video camera and digital camera.

ALL of our memories were on that camera. It was an HD camera so we couldn't upload any of it to our computer. We also never made DVDs out of the memories *yet*. ALL of munchkin's firsts were on there. The first night we bought it was the first night she crawled. Got it on film. First steps. First foods. First words. First birthday. First time swimming. First trip to the beach. First trip to the zoo. First trip to the snow. Second trip to the snow. GONE. There was a recent video of her chasing bubbles that was just so beautiful. It was one of those "I am so lucky to be a parent" moments. GONE. There were videos of my grandma that passed last year on there playing with Emily. GONE.

Honestly, they could have ANYTHING else, but just not that. Not my memories. Not something that meant SO MUCH to me. Not my daughter's childhood. Not my memories of my grandma who I was so close with. I can't EVER get more videos of my grandma. I can't EVER get munchkin's firsts back either. It was devastating. It still is. I just want THOSE back. Keep everything else. Just give me that.

So after all the inventory, they did take jewelry, our wii and games, gun, ammo, money, purses, video camera, digital camera, luggage, and other stuff I can't even think of right now as I type this.

The other sad part...we no longer feel safe. We have a hard time sleeping. They didn't hit our office which makes me think they will be back. I am scared when hubby is on shift. They didn't take one gun so I know where that is and sleep with the lights on, the house boarded up like Fort Knox, and with a phone right next to me. I keep the baby monitor up louder than normal. I imagine all these scenarios in my head. I don't even want to leave the house because I am afraid if no one is here, it will happen again. We TRULY believe they are watching us. BOTH times it happened when all three of us were gone. It's really hard to tell when all three of us leave since I park inside. So someone HAS to be watching us. It also happened BOTH TIMES right after we left. It happened in broad daylight. No time of day is excluded. We SHOULD NOT have to live like this. We SHOULD NOT be made to feel like prisoners in our own home. But we do. I CANNOT wait to get into our new home.

The other sucky part??? We JUST cancelled our renter's insurance as of 7/1 because we were moving and figured we wouldn't need it for another year. So yeah...got screwed there too.

I am SO VERY THANKFUL we were not home when it happened. I am SO VERY THANKFUL my family is all okay. I am SO VERY THANKFUL munchkin has NO CLUE what even happened and is oblivious to it all. I am SO VERY THANKFUL they were able to pull some prints.

But it sucks. I want my memories back. I know we can make new ones...but I want THOSE ones. Call me selfish, I don't care.

So for any of you that have children or memories you never want to lose...I URGE you to back everything up. Make copies of EVERYTHING. Keep them in a safe place. I REALLY urge you to get a safe - bolt it to the floor. You ALWAYS feel so sorry for the people it happened to and always think it's too much effort to do all the extra work of backing up everything and it's unlikely it will happen to you. I was one of those people. BUt you know what...it CAN happen to you...no matter how much you lock up your house, turn on your alarm, whatever. It can happen. DON'T make our mistakes. Learn from us. Hopefully you will never have to say "I am so glad I did that" but if you do...you will have those extra precautions.