Challenge Shmallenge.

I am anti this 21-day challenge to a new and better me today. I have survived day 4, 5 and 6. I even wrote a long post about day 4. I deleted it.

This was Day 4's challenge:

Often times we can get caught up in negative self talk. Or in being negative period. We tend to speak to ourselves more horribly than we would ever imagine speaking to someone we love. So today, that stops. With every negative thought that comes into your mind, first immediately STOP it...And then, replace that thought with what is TRUE and positive. Even better, get some index cards and write out the negative thought on one side, and the truth on the other. Along with the truth, you could find a bible verse or quote that further encourages you in that area. Notice what a difference you feel about yourself and about life at the end of the day.

I did do this and I am really challenging myself to keep at it. I talk really horrible to myself and I REALLY do not ever want my girls to ever feel about themselves the way I feel about myself at times. I need to learn to be more gentle with myself. I need to realize that I am not always going to be superwoman. I am not always going to have a spotless house. I am not going to be back to my ideal weight tomorrow (I just gave birth for crying out loud!). I am not going to always be the perfect smiling woman I should be. But that's okay. I am human. I have flaws. I am not perfect, and I will never be. It's okay to be who I am and not strive to please everyone else. I just need to learn to be okay with that myself. So I am working on it. It's rough. But I am who I am and I think I am pretty friggen awesome and don't care if no one else appreciates that!

Day 5...

Imagine all the things we could get done if we didn't have social media....for example: Facebook & Twitter. Let's try it out and see just what happens when we take a break for 24 hours. Take notes on what you accomplish in the time not wasted.

FAIL. I did manage not to Facebook or Twitter for about 18 hours - but then I caved. It's rough because at 4am when I am nursing a baby, it has been my company. It has kept me awake.

Day 6...

Sometimes we get so busy that we forget to stop and rest in God's presence. And instead at the end of the day, as we're drifting off to sleep, we give him what's left. If even that. But how much better would things be, if we began AND ended our day with intentional time with Him? Today's your chance. Wake up a few minutes early and spend that time being with Him. And at the end of the day, before you're even a tad bit sleepy, sit aside time to be with Him once again. Make it personal.
Make it intentional. And see how it may just be the sweetest time you've had all day.

The last line of the challenge...how it may just be the sweetest time I have had all day...proved right. I have had a few days of not so good lately. I know at times when I feel so alone...like no one in this entire world cares about me...God is there. HE cares. Sometimes that is all I need to get me through the day. That has definitely been what I needed the past few days.

Day 7...

todays challenge: Today's challenge is simple. Find a way to help a stranger. Be creative!

Today I am actually probably not leaving the house. I am EXHAUSTED. Due to my "not so good" days - I haven't slept much. In fact, I probably slept 4 hours in two days. That's it. So although I had plans to go out today - I am not sure if I will end up going because the lack of sleep has now invaded my entire body and I am burnt. Headache. Clumsiness. Lack of brain power (as probably evidenced by this post!). I am going to rest while the toddler naps (that is if the newborn allows me to) and see how I feel after that. I tend to never be able to sleep when I try to take a nap. If I don't make it out today - I do plan on venturing out and about tomorrow - sleep or not - and I will figure out something to do! :)

This hasn't necessarily been easy - this "challenge". I guess that's why it's called a challenge...but it's been rough the past few days! But...I am sure the days ahead will get easier for me and I will be back to my happy self! :)

(Thanks Summer for the challenge!)

Challenge Day 3

So for this 21 day challenge...today's challenge is something I actually do quite a bit on this blog. The challenge today says:

Today's focus is on the blessings in your life. My mentor mom keeps a blessings journal, and each day she keeps track and writes down all the blessings of her day.
I think it's such an incredible idea, one that can only bring about joy.
So grab a notebook and keep track of each and every blessing that comes your way.
When you're looking for them, you'll be sure to find them

Believe it or not, I use to do this every day...find at least ONE thing that I was grateful for and was a blessing to me. On tough days...the cereal I had in the morning was the only thing I could find. On great days - I'd have a million things (okay not that many - but I'd have a lot!) Some of you may also remember that I did Thankful Tuesday which I have stopped doing since I was REALLY slow in blogging for a while. Maybe I will pick that back up...

Anyways...getting back on track...

So this morning I was already thinking of some before I even saw today's challenge.

I am so blessed to have my sister-in-law in my life. This morning I was thinking how great it will be to get a date night with my husband for our anniversary. Our 3 year anniversary is tomorrow but he's working so we will celebrate on Thursday. Do you know that in almost a year we have not been out together...alone? How insane is that? So I am truly blessed she will be around to do that for us.

I am blessed with a wonderful, adorable, handsome, sexy, funny, dorky, passionate, big hearted, caring, loving, beautiful man as a husband. I am blessed with two amazing daughters that have brought me more joy than I could EVER describe in words...ever. I am blessed with friends who have touched my life in such profound ways...and probably don't even know it!

I am blessed the scale showed a smaller number than it had the previous weigh-in. (I am doing Weight Watchers online and every Tuesday I weigh in).

I am blessed my mom will be available to watch our oldest tomorrow so that I can take Allison to the doctor for an ultrasound on her hips (she was breech and it's standard practice). We aren't allowed to bring other children so I am blessed she is able to do that!

I am blessed with a beautiful home my husband has worked his ass off to provide for us. I am blessed with all the beautiful belongings we have in our home. I am blessed with my family here and my family that has already passed.

I am blessed to just be me. I find myself complaining a lot about lack of sleep or lack of help or two tantrumy kids (can a newborn be tantrumy?) and I need to really focus on the blessings and stop allowing the negative things influence my day. Yeah, I got about 4 hours of sleep last night, had a snoring husband and a baby who didn't sleep through the night like she normally does...but you know what? That's more than a lot of people have. I am so blessed to have a snoring husband. I am blessed to have a baby. I am blessed to be able to wake up and actually get out of bed, healthy enough to take care of a family. I have no right to complain when there are people searching for their one true love and haven't met them yet. I have no right to complain when I am truly blessed to have children - healthy children - that do wake me up when there are couples that try for years and years and are unable to have children. I am blessed to get 4 hours of sleep when a soldier may have been up fighting for MY freedom for and hasn't slept in 72 hours. I am blessed to be able to open my eyes and take in this world, hear my children laugh, to be able walk and talk, and get out of bed each day. There are a lot of people who can't do some of that, or any of that.

And for that...I am truly blessed.

Now tell me...what blessings have you found in your life...not just today...but every day?

And...again...I encourage you to start the challenge. It's okay if you start late...I did. Just click HERE and get to work!

til tomorrow...

It's Just 21 Days...

So I found this challenge today and I thought it sounded like a good thing to try! After all...it's only 21 days!

I am already late in starting so I must catch up.

For the first challenge I have to give something up for 21 days. I am late in doing this and already blew it today - but starting tomorrow I am giving up peanut butter oreos. Lame. But...when you are on this crazy no milk/no soy diet...peanut butter oreos are HEAVEN. Nevermind there is a BRAND NEW package in the pantry. BUT...for 21 days I can give it up. That's 3 weeks - and since I am a few days late...it's more like 19 days!

The second challenge for today says:

Let today be a day that you are focused on going out of your way to show love and kindness to the people around you. Whether that means sending a card, writing a thoughtful email or note, doing a chore for someone, or spending extra intentional time with a friend, child or family member.... Whatever it may be, just find as many ways as you can throughout the day and do them. And do them with a heart full of love.

So today it's all about Emily. Erik went snowboarding, Allison is hanging out in Allison style and Emily and I are playing. Can you believe I busted out the Wii and showed her how to sword fight? Bad mommy? Fun mommy? Not sure mommy. But it was fun and we laughed and laughed. We have cuddled, and watched tv, talked, laughed some more. And now...it's time for me to get back to her!

Til my next challenge...

By the way...I encourage all of you to play along! Just head on over HERE and have some fun!

After all...what's 21 days!

Daily Life

Every day is filled with new feats, new adventures, new struggles. Okay, not so new struggles, it's the same struggles - but some days it seems harder than the time before, and sometimes it seems easier.

Going from one child to two is rough. I hate to admit this, but I rarely leave the house with both kids. I think the only time I have left the house alone with both kids was when I was meeting someone somewhere...otherwise I just don't do it. I am not quite ready for it yet. As it is, when we go out, it always seems that both kids melt down at the same time. That's a tough one for me to deal with in public. I feel like all eyes are on me and moms can be SO judgmental of other moms that it usually gets my anxiety going. Plus just listening to both of them at the same time is enough to drive someone insane. But I am learning and I am feeling more confident and am hoping when Erik goes back to work this next shift that I will venture out for a quick trip...alone. Pray for me.

Allison is smiling more and more and I think twice she has giggled. It isn't a full-on giggle but I took it as one. I can't wait to hear them when they are in full-effect! She has been doing good with the MSPI. It's a rough diet for me to follow but it has gotten easier. I even ate dinner out (breakfast is easier) at Red Robin. I was ecstatic that they have an allergy menu so I was able to order a burger and fries and not have any reactions from Allison! It tasted SO GOOD that I was sure they screwed up my order! Alas...they didn't! :)

Emily is growing growing growing too. I am ready to start potty training her full-on. I seriously think it's time. She, on the other hand, doesn't think it is. Sigh. She has gone potty on the toilet a few times but that's about it. I kick myself every day for stopping the potty training right when we were moving. It was a huge mistake. BUT...I know she isn't going to be 12 in diapers...or at least I hope not. So little by little I am hoping she learns and before too long we will be diaper free! Oh the joy! I am hoping before our trip to Disneyland in November that she'll be pretty good without diapers! Fingers crossed.

We got pictures of the kids done the other day and I thought I'd upload a few. The ones we have framed I didn't scan before they were framed so you won't get to see those. They were cutest ones I must say. The one below of both of them made it into a frame but we got extras so I was able to scan it. Sadly, there were no pictures with both of them together where Emily looked at the camera.







Oh how I love those two little munchkins!

Reflecting

Back and forth and back and forth...you are swinging quietly in your swing, not a care in the world. You are so precious, so innocent. You depend on me for your life. I feed you. I bathe you. I hold you. I rock you. We dance, I sing. Your blue eyes are taking everything in. My face. Your own reflection. Your sister. Your daddy. I enjoy nursing you. I enjoy our bond. You are my second born, my youngest, my sweet sweet newborn. I look at you and wonder what you will look like when you reach your sister's age. I wonder what your personality will be like. I wonder if you actually will have blonde hair. I am pretty confident you will keep your blue eyes. I wonder what you will love to do. I wonder what will make you giggle. I can't wait to find out. You are everything to me.

Sitting next to me, playing your latest obsession, you are my precious precious first born. When you were born you looked JUST like your daddy. Today as I watched you dance, talk to me, and play, I realized you look like me at that age. Your new haircut, your big eyes, your skin tone. I see me in you so much more. I am truly honored. You are so beautiful, so sweet, so funny, so perfect. I worry about you. I worry for the first day of preschool. I worry you will be scared or sad to be on your own. I want to do everything to protect you from any sadness, any anxiety, any pain. You mean the world to me. I sometimes look at you and wonder what you will look like on the first day of kindergarten, as a teenager, as a high-schooler about to graduate. I wonder if you will become a dancer like I was growing up, or if you will be a tomboy and ride motorcycles like your daddy. I also wonder if you will do both. I envision myself watching you at a dance recital. I daydream about what it will be like to watch you at your first school play, where you are a banana or an apple, or a tree. Oh how proud I will be. I am curious about how you will react to Disneyland. Oh how I hope we can go this year. You make me so proud. You fill my heart with more than you can ever imagine. You are my heart and soul.

As I sit here and look around, I am thankful. Thankful for my family. Thankful for the two beautiful children my husband gave me. Thankful that he made it all possible for us to live in a beautiful home with nice things. He has made sure our girls are taken care of. He has made sure I am taken care of too. It's always a huge adjustment with a newborn but he has done all he can to make it easier. He's listened to me bitch, whine, put up with my moodiness because I haven't slept much lately and I am constantly whipping out my boob to feed the baby. Sometimes it seems too much but he's there, listening to me, not judging. He works a lot (he's gone for a 72 hour shift right now) and although I swear he will never know how tiring it is to watch both kids or how hard it is...I understand it's as equally hard for him too. He may not sleep during his shift. He is saving lives while risking his own. I am truly proud of him. I love him more than he'll ever know. More than I tell him. I neglect to tell him how much he means to me and I grow comfortable with how things are. But I love him. With everything in me. With all my heart and soul.

It's a good thing to take a step back, look around, and be thankful. I rarely take the time to do that anymore. I forget what life is all about sometimes. Life is about these two precious humans next to me. Life is a beautiful family. I am the luckiest woman. I am truly happy.

The Joys of Motherhood...

This week I thought I'd particpate in Mama Kat's Writers Workshop since I am trying to get back into blogging. I've neglected it for quite some time now.

The prompt I chose was 10 things I didn't know until I was a mom. I could probably write a heck of a lot more than 10 things...but I'll stick to the assignment. After all, no one likes the teacher's pet...the over-achiever...the kiss ass. LOL!

So the ten things that motherhood has taught me, that I would not have learned if I had not given birth to the best children on the planet (sorry to burst your bubble but my kids are better than yours...okay, maybe I take that back as I watch my 2 year old in the beginning of a temper tantrum) are as follows:

1. The love. Yes, it's cliche. Everyone hears "you never know love until you have a child" but it's true. Any parent can tell you how true it is. No matter what your child does, that love will always be there. It's an awesome feeling that I am so happy I am able to experience! That hug, that smile, that giggle, that accomplishment are such AMAZING moments and there is nothing in this world that can EVER be better than feeling like that!

2. Poop, puke, snot and other bodily secretions no longer bother me. Well let me clarify. If I see your kid out and about with green snot hanging down to their chin and poop coming out of their pants...that bugs. But my precious children?? It doesn't bother me. I have been pooped on, puked on, and had snot smeared all over me. And I am okay with that! Really...I am! :)

3. Patience. If you know me...patience is not my strong suit. I never really had some before children. Never really cared to have any (bad quality I know). I didn't know what patience really entailed until I became a mom. You basically HAVE to be patient...or at least try your best to be. So those days filled with temper tantrums from the 2 year old and screaming and crying from the newborn REALLY test my patience and it's amazing that I still have some left! (Even some left for the husband when he's bugging me!) But I learned how important it is to acquire that quality and put it to use. :)

4. Messy houses are okay. There are times this house literally looks like a tornado came through here. Some days there are dishes in the sink (when we have a dishwasher), diaper bags on the table, papers on the desk in the office, clothes on the floor in my bedroom, an unmade bed, make up left out in the bathroom, and pans needing to still be washed from the breakfast the morning before last. BUT...all of that is okay. It's okay because it's replaced by a giggling, smiling 2 year old, a happy wife, a happy husband, and a happy newborn. All those things are meaningless if there isn't happiness in the home. Sure, they get cleaned up and are rarely a mess for long...but sometimes (especially when hubby is on shift)...it looks like that.

5. Temper tantrums can be quite comical. I use to HATE watching other kids have temper tantrums (thinking Nanny 911 tantrums) but now that we have our own in our house...sometimes...they actually make me laugh. In fact, sometimes I have been known to whip out the video camera and film them. :)

6. Sleep is over-rated. Okay...it's not really but that's what I tell myself. Sure, I get SOME sleep, but definitely not as much as the average person, or even the husband. I think a mom never truly sleeps, ever. We are always half-asleep. We are asleep just enough in order to hear our children cry out in their sleep. We are asleep just enough to still be able to hear the toddler snoring. We are asleep just enough to hear the newborn stir in her sleep and listen intently for her to be breathing. We are asleep just enough to wake up on time and make sure the husband is getting up and ready for work and hasn't pressed snooze one too many times. Sure, we technically sleep, but not like our husbands. Not like our friends and family without children. Not like we use to before we became a mom.

7. I didn't know that it is okay to give up a huge part of yourself to become a mom. It's something I have been struggling with lately. I gave up a HUGE part of who I was for the past 18 years of my life to be a stay at home mom. Eighteen years is more than half of my age so giving up my career to be home with the kids has NOT been easy for me. But...recently I read some things that put it all into perspective and I would have never have learned unless I was a mom. Sure, I had more money before but as someone said...no purse, no boat, no fancy car will ever feel as good as hearing your baby's giggle. The other one I heard was "you have a lifetime to work, but children are only young once". It's so true. So I am learning that it's okay to let my career, my work, the big part of who I was go and enter into this new role as a mom, a role model, a friend, a mentor. No job could ever be as important as this one and I am learning to accept that, no matter how hard it is.

8. If I had never became a mom, I would have never known how truly hard this job is and how hard my mom worked to provide for my brother and I. I think the moment you become a mother yourself, you gain a new appreciation for your mother. You learn just what she went through. My mom made it look so easy and I learned now as a mom myself that it wasn't easy for her either. I am sure she was just as sleep deprived, just as worried about if she was making the right decisions, just as insecure if she was doing right by her kids, just as worried about our well-being and safety. I am sure she worried about the choices she made and worried how they would affect us. I am sure she worried about our first day of kindergarten, our first day of high school, the first time we took the car out on our own (which she had a right to worry about me...I crashed it...into my dad's neighbor). I am sure she cried when we cried, laughed when we laughed, and didn't sleep when we were sick or when we were out past her own bedtime. Oh how I love my mom and oh how much of a role model she is for me! I truly hope I can provide my kids just as much as my mom provided for us.

9. You CAN rationalize with a two-year old. At least that is what I am telling myself. If you have a two-year old you know you can rationalize with them too. For those of you laughing at me because you think it can't be done...shut it and let me live in my fantasy world!

10. Nap time and bed time can be the happiest times of the day and can make a bad mood (yours not the childs) instantly better. :)

I wouldn't give my role as a mom up for ANYTHING. The two of them have brought me such a joy no other thing in this world could ever re-create. I am truly truly blessed. Thanks Mama Kat for reminding me what it's all about! Now time to whip out the boob, cause a temper tantrum with the toddler because I am about to make her stop playing Pocket God on my phone, and get on with my day!