Prayers

It has been a whirlwind lately.  So much going on in my life.  So many things occupying my thoughts.  It's been hard to sleep.  It's been following me around everywhere.  I just need to remember this isn't something I have any control over and I need to just pray.

Of course I am talking about my dad.  The new tumor they found, the one that is 5 inches wide, 4 inches deep, way bigger than his kidney...turned out to be cancerous.  I foolishly believed it wouldn't.  I mean, how can it not have been cancerous if he already found out he does have cancer?  But I woke up Thursday feeling so hopeful that when I received the call - it would be to say "it's benign and he just needs surgery to remove it".  But an hour after the appointment time and still no call...I felt anxiety set in.  Then the call came an hour and a half after the appointment time to tell me it's malignant; tests are being run; he will meet with the surgeon next Thursday.

Oh this waiting will kill me more than anything.  So I am just asking for prayers.  Prayers that it is something they can remove.  Prayers that he won't get sick from chemo or radiation.  Prayers he can have the new kind of chemo that doesn't make you sick or make you lose your hair.  Prayers that it isn't pancreatic cancer.  BIG HUGE PRAYERS that it isn't pancreatic cancer.  If you pray for anything; pray for that.  I am nervous.  I am scared.  I am sad.  

I know as we grow up, we lose our grandparents.  We lose our parents.  We lose our siblings (or perhaps we go before they do).  But although we all know this...when you are REALLY facing it...REALLY being reminded that it happens...it's scary.  It's emotional (oh man is it emotional).  It's scary.  Scary scary scary.

So I just ask for prayers if you are the praying type.  Maybe good thoughts if you don't believe in prayers.  Perhaps send out positive vibes and energy is you believe in that.  For my dad.  None for me...save it all for my dad.  

And if anything?  Pray for an end to cancer.  As most of you know, I participate in the Relay for Life each year and this year it has taken the most personal turn for me.  So I am working my ass off even harder so no one else has to hear "you have cancer" and feel these emotions I am feeling.  Or feel the emotions my dad is pretending he isn't feeling.  We need an end to this.  We need it soon.  For my children.  For their children.  For everyone's children.

I am not soliciting donations by way of this post...just soliciting prayers.  BUT if you DO want to donate...please let me know and I can send you a link.  I won't post it because it's not about that.  It's about my dad and the serious need for prayer right now.  I am praying this meeting with the surgeon on Thursday goes okay.  So far each appointment it hasn't.  I am hoping there is some good (okay...it won't be 'good' but perhaps decent) news.