Thursday, April 26, 2012


My dad has always been unique. Always different in a good way. It's no wonder his cancer is just as unique as he is!

He has been diagnosed with a malignant Neuroendocrine tumor. It's very rare in that only .5 percent of malignancies are this kind. That's 1-3 people per 100,000. Insane.

So he is scheduled for surgery. Pre-op is next week and surgery the following. The tumor is possibly attached to the Vena Cava which if that is the case they will not remove it. It's too risky. He will have chemo and radiation in hopes to shrink it. They also believe its attached to the small intestines which will be no problem removing as they will just remove part of his intestines.

I'm worried. A lot. Especially since its attached to a major vein in the heart. It's so scary. I love my dad so much and the fact he's going through this tears me up. The fact he can die with this surgery (as anyone can in any surgery but this is pretty risky) makes me sick to my stomach. I'm scared but I'm praying. I know God has a plan for all of us and I just more time with him and I'm praying God allows that.

PLEASE keep praying for him!

Please also keep my grandma, his mom, in your prayers. She's 94 with fluid in her lungs and having problems breathing. She's been in the hospital a few days and was suppose to transfer to an assisted living home to gain strength. Well tonight, right at the end of dinner, I received a text from my cousin telling me she's not having visitors right now because she's had a setback. More problems breathing. I guess it's not looking good.

I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders right now. Between my dad and grandma I'm worried and scared. It's hard to focus on other things but I have to. It's been REALLY hard on me but I'll get through. It's a part of life.

But on a bright Sweet little Allison has taken to her glasses just fine! Hardly any issue of her taking them off at all. And can you believe my precious Emily is actually reading! It blows me away when she can read something. It's SO amazing watching her! They are growing so fast! Hard to believe Emily will start kindergarten and Allison preschool this year!! Oh how time flies!

Sunday, April 22, 2012


It has been a whirlwind lately.  So much going on in my life.  So many things occupying my thoughts.  It's been hard to sleep.  It's been following me around everywhere.  I just need to remember this isn't something I have any control over and I need to just pray.

Of course I am talking about my dad.  The new tumor they found, the one that is 5 inches wide, 4 inches deep, way bigger than his kidney...turned out to be cancerous.  I foolishly believed it wouldn't.  I mean, how can it not have been cancerous if he already found out he does have cancer?  But I woke up Thursday feeling so hopeful that when I received the call - it would be to say "it's benign and he just needs surgery to remove it".  But an hour after the appointment time and still no call...I felt anxiety set in.  Then the call came an hour and a half after the appointment time to tell me it's malignant; tests are being run; he will meet with the surgeon next Thursday.

Oh this waiting will kill me more than anything.  So I am just asking for prayers.  Prayers that it is something they can remove.  Prayers that he won't get sick from chemo or radiation.  Prayers he can have the new kind of chemo that doesn't make you sick or make you lose your hair.  Prayers that it isn't pancreatic cancer.  BIG HUGE PRAYERS that it isn't pancreatic cancer.  If you pray for anything; pray for that.  I am nervous.  I am scared.  I am sad.  

I know as we grow up, we lose our grandparents.  We lose our parents.  We lose our siblings (or perhaps we go before they do).  But although we all know this...when you are REALLY facing it...REALLY being reminded that it's scary.  It's emotional (oh man is it emotional).  It's scary.  Scary scary scary.

So I just ask for prayers if you are the praying type.  Maybe good thoughts if you don't believe in prayers.  Perhaps send out positive vibes and energy is you believe in that.  For my dad.  None for it all for my dad.  

And if anything?  Pray for an end to cancer.  As most of you know, I participate in the Relay for Life each year and this year it has taken the most personal turn for me.  So I am working my ass off even harder so no one else has to hear "you have cancer" and feel these emotions I am feeling.  Or feel the emotions my dad is pretending he isn't feeling.  We need an end to this.  We need it soon.  For my children.  For their children.  For everyone's children.

I am not soliciting donations by way of this post...just soliciting prayers.  BUT if you DO want to donate...please let me know and I can send you a link.  I won't post it because it's not about that.  It's about my dad and the serious need for prayer right now.  I am praying this meeting with the surgeon on Thursday goes okay.  So far each appointment it hasn't.  I am hoping there is some good ( won't be 'good' but perhaps decent) news.

Friday, April 20, 2012

My four eyes...

I read this blog post and it immediately had me in tears.  This lady knew everything I was feeling.  She had felt it too.  I am not alone in how I feel and I am happy for that.  Sad for that but happy for that.

Allison needs glasses.  It SHOULDN'T be a big deal but it kinda is.  I have so many emotions about it.  I'm glad it will help her.  I am sad she has to be helped.  I worry about kids being mean to her.  I worry about her not liking how she looks.  I hope it isn't a battle to keep those glasses on.  Allison is VERY strong-willed and VERY difficult to get her to listen sometimes.  I pray and pray these little glasses will stay on her face.  But...lately she's been tugging at her bad eye and saying "my eye" and things like that - so it gives me hope that the glasses may just stay put.

I worry how it will look when she takes them off because I know it will magnify her eye that turns in.  She has Accommodative Estropia.  Her right eye turns in.  Not 100% of the time but enough to be a problem.  Glasses will help correct the problem   But once she is in glasses and the glasses come off for bed or bath or swimming or whatever...her eyes will be a lot worse.  Ugh.  That scares me.  I'm scared to see it (fear of the unknown) and worry about other people seeing it.  I shouldn't, but I do.

At any rate...I came upon this blog and read this post and it hit me so hard - I cried.  It said EVERY.SINGLE.THING I am feeling.  The comments from others also stated everything I am feeling too.

I think tonight, after watching her tug at her eye and say "my eye" in a whiny "this doesn't feel good" voice...I have resigned myself to the fact she needs it.  She doesn't need the 2nd opinion we were going to get.  She just needs the glasses.  Point blank.  As much as I don't want her to have them...she needs them and THAT is what is most important.  Her health.  Her well being.  I am her mommy and that is my take care of her.  She won't be any different...just will have glasses.  That's all.

So this is the blog post that touched my heart today...enjoy:

Last week, we found out that our sweet girl needs glasses.
She is quite farsighted, in fact.
She was having trouble reading her T.S. Elliot Poems at bedtime, so I decided to have her eyes checked.
Oh. You know I’m kidding. She can read Preludes just fine. It’s her daddy’s car magazines that she’s having trouble wading through. I don’t blame her, actually.
In any case, we started to notice her eye turning in,
which happens to be exactly what happened to my mom at 3 years old
and my sister at 2 years old,
so we took her to a wonderful eye doctor and low and behold my baby needs glasses.
This news rocked me.
The rational, sensible, adult part of me accepted it with a smile,
while every other part of me was screaming “No! I don’t want them!”
They’re just glasses. Many people (including many people I love) have them.
But, to me, they’re a (n albeit small) challenge for her. They will, as my best friend said, make life only 1% more difficult for her, but that’s 1% more than I’m comfortable with.
And so, I’m looking inward, mustering up all of my strength, and trying to cope with this situation with a sound mind
and clear eyes.
All four of them.
There’s my one eye,
my scared eye,
that worries for her. Will this make life hard for her? Will she be sad that she can’t just jump in the pool without worrying about being able to see in the water? Will her eyes get worse? Will she feel bad about being the only kid in preschool with glasses on her face? Will she resent her glasses? Will they make her cry? Worse, will other kids make her cry?
And then, there’s my shallow eye.
My eye that sees my daughter, my beautiful, precious little girl, with the most perfect angel face, and the most soulful “Atlantic Ocean eyes” and thick, long black lashes, that will now be covered in a pair of little wire frames. Will the lenses distort her eyes? When people look at her, will they see only glasses? Will she only be known as the girl with the glasses? Will she be “cute, despite” them? Why do I care? Why can’t I get past this?
And then there’s my ashamed eye.
I’m the one who celebrates differences. I am the one who stands up for equality and tolerance. I am the one who preaches about acceptance and beauty that comes from the inside out. And yet, I am the one who is worried about the way my daughter will feel and look and think. I’m the one, who when I am being really, deeply candid, cares what other people will think. I am ashamed to say this, but it is the truth.
And then there’s my grateful eye. The eye that sees, so vividly, how lucky we are. We have a problem that has a solution (as my dear colleague reminded me yesterday). So what. They’re glasses. They will help her to see. We have a great doctor, and wonderful friends, and the resources to buy her whatever glasses she chooses. She has a tiny problem. Her problem has a cure. For that, I feel so very blessed.
Four eyes, all in conflict inside of me, sitting together like a lead weight in my gut as I stare at my little girl, and want only the easiest, most perfect, happy life for her. When I ask my sister, who has been wearing glasses for over 20 years, if she ever felt bad about herself because of her glasses she laughs, and reminds me of how cute she was.
She was known as the girl with the big, red Mickey Mouse glasses,
but also as the girl who woke up whistling because she was so happy,
and who always was surrounded by friends
and boyfriends
and was showered with more love than she knew what to do with.
And so, I’m going to try my very best to quiet my worries,
to assuage my anxieties,
and to keep on showering my baby with all of the love that I can muster.
I am going to look into her eyes,
now magnified by her tiny lenses,
and tell her how beautiful she is,
how smart she is,
how everyone who meets her loves her,
and how she makes my heart sing.
How proud of her I am.
How I cherish every part of her,
including all four of her cute, little eyes.
And, I am going to continue to give her as many bites of my Key Lime Pie gelato as she likes.
Yes, from here on out it’s eyes bright, heart light and glass(es) half full.

Saturday, April 14, 2012


It's been so long since I blogged.  I feel like I never have much to say.  Seems like life is the same thing every day.  Kids are growing so fast, Erik is working, I am busy with things I am doing...same ol' same ol'.

This time of year always finds me extremely busy doing something I am so passionate about...Relay for Life.  I started doing this because I lost my grandmother to Leukemia, a very close person and mentor to breast cancer, my uncle was fighting, a sweet 2 year old was fighting, and my closest friend was a survivor!  Last year the experience was something I don't think I could even put into words.  I was told it would be life changing but I didn't really KNOW how life changing it would be until I participated.

I was able to walk with survivors, was able to be honored as a caregiver to my grandmother, was able to meet those fighting and hear stories of those who lost their battle.  I was the second-highest fundraiser last year and I vowed to do the same this year.

So far I am!  :)

But sadly...this year I am adding two people to the reason I Relay.  I am adding a sweet two year old boy, Jared McDaniel.  He is only a couple weeks older than Allison and is fighting Leukemia.  It's so unfair ANY child should have to fight this battle and it breaks my heart to know there are many like him.

I am also adding my dad to my reason.  He was diagnosed with prostate cancer a few weeks ago.  Monday of last week he had a scan done because he was losing weight and having some other symptoms.  Come to find out, they found a very large mass (5 inches wide, 4 inches deep) in between his kidney and liver.  I am so very scared.  They biopsied it on Thursday and we will get results this coming Thursday.  The waiting is the worst part.  My mind goes crazy with worry and I feel stressed.  I guess the good part about the stress and the worry is that my house has never been so clean!

I am praying praying praying this mass is non-cancerous but since he already has cancer...I am not too optimistic.  He isn't either.  The doctors are not either.  :(  So I am praying.  Praying praying praying.

At any rate, our team is in 2nd place right now with the most funds raised and I am hoping we come in first again this year!  We raised over $11,000 last year - the most any team has ever raised!  YAY! 

I was asked to create a website for our team so I can always check on what is happening with us (we have a bazillion events coming up) by clicking Here.  I just created it today so there is A LOT to be added so beware!

At any rate...that is where I am at.  I am fighting to find a cure for cancer and doing something I am passionate about is awesome!  I encourage all of you reading to join this fight with me!  If you would like to make a tax deductible donation, you can do so here:


ANY donation - no matter how big or small is so very appreciated!

Friday, January 6, 2012

New Year

So I could spend hours and hours uploading pics of the kids.  I could tell you all about our trip to Disneyland (awesome), Allison turning two (wonderful), Christmas (beautiful), New Years (fun) and today (same ol' same ol').  Not much has changed in the last few months/weeks since I have last blogged...3 months ago.

Emily is still in school 5 days a week and loving it.  She is SO smart and SO adorable - I am so blessed!  In less than a month we will register her for kindergarten.  WHAT!  REALLY????  It's mind blowing.  She can't be growing THAT much can she?  She is loving playing - doing puzzles - reading and just being a typical 4 year old.  She has expressed interest in maybe trying dance class again - so we will see.  Not sure she's ready for that again but doesn't hurt to try!  She's grown so much from 2-4!   

Allison is still Allison.  Getting into everything she shouldn't.  Running crazy.  Energy I wish I could bottle up and sell.  Cuddling like no other.  Soon we will begin the FUN task of potty training!  :)  LOL!  She's so tall now - wearing 3T because she is so tall! 

Perhaps I will get better with pictures and even blogging here on this little blog.  Seems like there is never enough time with two kids...but perhaps I'll try a little harder!  :)

Saturday, October 1, 2011


It's been 3 months since I last blogged. Quite pathetic! But...with 2 little ones and a husband who has been working like's been difficult to do I dont know...relax!

We've visited family that came over from Illinois (my brother and his family), spent time in Monterey, celebrated my dad's 70th birthday, celebrated Emily's 4th birthday and my...errr...30-something. Spent time at the fair (where I won 1st and 2nd place for my cupcakes). We've hung out with family and friends and have been busy creating memories!

I'm on my phone blogging so I'm just going to add pics from the last three months. Lazy blogging, yes...but blogging nonetheless! :-)

Friday, July 1, 2011

It's Because I Can...

The past weekend was the Relay for Life. It was the first time I had been able to participate. It was such an amazing experience. It was emotional as I missed my Grandma, my dear friend Tina, and thought about a special 3 year old, Rylie. They all lost their fight to this disease. I was inspired that my Uncle is in remission and my friend is a survivor! I thought about my husband and my girls and prayed they never ever have to fight this disease. I laughed and cried and feel like this was a very personal life changing event.

I was humbled that SO many people donated to me. 49 people donated online. Many more donated in person. Words could never express my gratitude to each and every donor. I was brought to tears many times over my donations.

The day started bright and early.  I picked up balloons that I was able to get Safeway to donate and headed to the track to wait for the opening ceremony to begin.  Little did I know that I would be called to the front in front of every single person there to receive flowers for being the second highest fundraiser for the entire event!  After the opening ceremony commenced, all the survivors took the first lap, followed by caregivers. 

So we walked.  We walked and we walked.  We stopped at booths.  We learned.  We visited.  We had fun.  After a few hours I had to head home to put my girls down to bed.  I was able to put my feet up and relax a bit before we all packed up and headed down again.  This time my girls and Mother-in-law joined me in the walk - where we walked and we walked and we walked.  We stopped and got beads for each lap we completed.  I had bought purple spray for our hair so we stopped and got our hair sprayed.  We bought cookies.  We walked.  We held hands.  We had fun.

Right before I had to leave to get the girls dinner, bathed and to sleep, they started setting out the luminaria bags.  Those little bags made me tear up right away.  I found my friend Tina's first, and then my Grandmother's bag.  The bags are set out to remember those that have passed, those that are currently fighting the disease, and those who are survivors. Once the sun goes down they light the bags.  It's an emotional event to see those bags lit, to share in the personal emotions with every single person there.  They played a slide show which had every person I was walking for in it.  I had the ugly cry.  I missed my grandma so very much.  I was so heartbroken for Rylie and her family.  I thought about how she never got to do the things my girls get to.  Three is such a young age.  I missed my friend Tina tremendously and thought about the last words she shared with me.  I thought about my Uncle and knew that the battle he went through was probably a lot harder emotionally and physically than he let on.  I thought about my friend Trina and how scary it must have been to have been pregnant with her first born and going through chemo.  I thought about the new friend I had just met who was wearing her husband's sweatshirt that passed away.  My heart broke for the little girls who sat in front of me bawling their eyes out because their daddy was in heaven.  I thought about my husband and how I'd never want to be sitting there wearing his sweatshirt because he had passed.  I thought about how I'd never want my girls to be feeling the raw pain that those girls were feeling and crying as hard as they were.  I thought about my girls and prayed and prayed they never fall victim to this disease.

I am honored that I stood with over 200 men and women that want to see a cure.  I am honored that I was among survivors.  I am honored that others donated to support me in this event.  If I could have walked all night, I would have.  But with a husband on shift and a mother in law watching my girls, I had to leave around 1030.  Next year, I hope I can stay the night. 

Between my girls and myself we walked about 8.5 miles.  They originally said every 4 beads equaled a mile.  Then some other people that worked the bead booth later on said every 6 beads equaled a mile.  Then right before the luminary ceremony, I was told every 8 beads equaled a mile.  Whether we walked 8.5, 11, or almost 17 miles, I wish I could have walked more. 

I don't think that unless you experience the Relay first hand and you are doing it for personal reasons that someone can truly *get* how life changing this event can be.

I am leaving you with these words that were very fitting.  They were in the bulletin from last year:

I am tired. I smell. My feet hurt. My eyes feel like grit, and my head is pounding from lack of sleep...but I am grateful.

I have all of my body parts with which I was born. I have all of my hair. I didn't lose my breakfast in a bucket. I can hold my loved ones.

I will collapse in my bed tonight and pray for all the people we raised money for through Relay For Life, and I will cry for the people we were too late to help. I will pray for all the people who helped make Relay a success. I will give thanks for every minute of my life and all the blessings in it.

I will NEVER ask myself why I wear myself out raising money for a fight against cancer because I know why.


Thursday, May 26, 2011

Cuteness Overload

Okay okay okay.  I KNOW.  I know I've been slacking on blogging.  I have been busy.  You know...same ol' song and dance!  I guess what it takes to get me to blog these days is a whole lotta buggin.  :)  At any rate...I'm attaching some much requested photos of the girls.  These are all cell phone pics because I am too lazy to pull them out of the video camera, upload and photoshop.  Deal with it.  At least be happy I am blogging, right?  :) 

We've been busy lately just playing.  The weather has been warm.  Okay no.  That's a lie.  The weather WAS warm for about 2 days.  Warm enough to run through sprinklers!  It now appears that October is here with rain and cold.  I'm not complaining though - I LOVE the rain but some sunshine is a wonderful thing! We've also been trying to get to the park everyday - now that the best one for both girls is re-open!  And of course...Emily has been able to play with her BFF...something she absolutely LOVES!  :)

So...the right side of the pic has been cut off some...if you want to see the full picture - you have to click on it.

We also visited Children's Fairyland in Oakland.  The girls had a lot of fun!  They were able to slide, crawl, explore and go on rides!  As you can see, Allison is already a rule breaker by standing up in the ferris-wheel while it was going.  Sigh.  But they had a lot of fun!  I had fun watching them explore!

To see the full pic - you have to click on it.  Not missing much - just looks better when it's the full pic.

We also spent the day down at the Monterey Bay Aquarium.  We went down there to see all the fish - and to see the husband.  The husband has had to take a few classes down there and since we missed him so much - we headed down to check out the sights!  I was SO impressed that Emily wasn't afraid to touch all the stuff in the water this time!  If you look at the picture of her holding up the green seaweed- she is yelling "LOOK MOM!  IT'S LETTUCE!!!"  It was adorable!  Allison also was able to touch some stuff as well.  As you can see - the day tired Allison out and she pretty much passed out back at Erik's hotel room where we bathed and put pjs on for the ride home. on to see full picture.  Not missing much on this one - just it looks better if you click.

So we've been busy. Yay.  Busy is good - but it's also exhausting!  :)  So the past few days we have just hung out and took it easy.  Tonight Emily has a graduation performance at school.  Keeping all my fingers and toes crossed that she doesn't get too scared and not perform.  She isn't graduating but will be promoting to a new class this fall.  The girls are just growing SO fast - it's just amazing! 

So there you have it.  I blogged!  YAY!  I should now get a gold star for my efforts...right?  Eh.  Instead I'm off to "reward" myself by doing laundry.  :-|   

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Do's and Dont's

In thinking about my role as a parent lately, I ponder all the things I've been told and warned about versus what this gig really offers. New parents are faced with a lot of truth and fiction and I have learned over the past 3.5 years that what works for one parent, won't work for another.

Since of course I'm an expert on parenting (please note the sarcasm there) I'll give you my list of Dos and Don'ts I've learned during my time as a mom.

DO know that when your baby is brand new, it will be the easiest part of parenthood. Although that baby cries and wakes up all night long, it will be the easiest part. No back-talk. No time-outs. No tantrums. Just a squishy cute baby that actually sleeps more than you realize!

DON'T hesitate to ask for help. We all need help. It's the hardest thing for me to do. But it's important. The absolute BEST present my husband and I got when we brought home our baby for the first time was several hours of sleep while our baby was watched. It was heaven-sent.

DO back up your videos...OFTEN. As much as a pain in the ass it is to back up all your videos (especially when it is a HD camera and your computer doesn't support it) it's SO important. It's absolutely gut-wrenching to have most of your child's "firsts" stolen from you when your house is broken into. In fact the only item you will care about recovering is that video camera. Years later it will still bring tears to your eyes thinking about all the footage you lost. BACK UP OFTEN. Even when it's a pain in the ass.

DON'T listen to experts or friends or family that tell you your child should be doing this or that by a certain age. Sure, some things should be checked out if significantly delayed but your child will coo, smile, sit, crawl, stand, walk and talk on their own time. Take in each moment and actually be ok if they aren't crawling or walking right away. You will like that more than you know.

DO take a step back and realize this time, no matter how difficult, will fly by. Before you know it, that child you brought into this world, the one you taught about life, will be out of your arms as you offer the world back to them.

DON'T worry, Supermoms and Superdads don't really exist. Laundry will pile up, dusting will be put off, crap will accumulate throughout the house. If you, your spouse and your kids are clean, fed, smiling, laughing and are doing a damn good job.

DO believe the pediatrician when they tell you the average number of illnesses the first year of preschool is a minimum of 30. No matter how clean your house is, how many vitamins you give and how often you wash hands...your kid will get sick from the germ-infested breeding ground known as preschool or daycare. Believe it or not, your kid won't be the only sick one although it will feel like it. Those germs will also get your other children, your spouse and yourself sick. Be thankful if it's only sniffles and flus. Strep, lice and even pinworms (ack!!!) are also common.

DO know that having two children is insane. It's doubly hard. More than double. But also know that it's a wonderful wonderful thing and so worth it!

DON'T listen to others. Don't listen to the mom that offers condescending advice. It's ok to formula feed, use store-bought baby food and disposable diapers. Don't listen to the mom who thinks they can discipline or calm your child better than you. Don't feel like a bad mom if your child rolls off the couch onto their head in front of said moms.

DO know that when you go to bed later than usual...your kids will wake up WAY earlier than usual. Every. Single. Time.

DO love. DO laugh...all the time. DO hug and kiss and then hug and kiss some more. DO teach. DO bend the rules. DO allow ice cream. And DO back up your videos!

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Mother's Day

Today is Mother's Day.  For whatever reason I am sitting here wondering what exactly MAKES a good mom.  I know you don't even have to give birth to a child to be a "good mom" but what if I don't even measure up under the definition of "decent mom" let alone a "good mom"?  I guess perhaps there is a difference between a "good mom" and a "super mom".  "Super moms" don't really exist I suppose - but for some reason - society makes us think there a million of them running around out there and we are failing at our jobs.  At least it does for me.   It's a RARE RARE thing where I am told by someone that I am a "good mom".  As a matter of fact...minus my husband...I don't think ANYONE has told me that.  My husband gets compliments about being a great father all the time - but me?  Not so much.

As a mom to two girls, and the wife of a firefighter whose schedule does not give me a partner that is home every single night (and lately - has not been home for a couple weeks), I find myself feeling like a failure as a parent.  I yell.  I put in time out.  I make my kids cry.  I cry.  I feel like a bully.  I crave alone time.  I have been known to have the kids watch some tv so I can take a break and decompress as best as a stay-at-home-mom can.  I have checked out a time or two.  I am not a good play-partner.  I don't spend as much time as I should with them.  I can't quite figure out how to give both of them all the attention they both need at the same time.  I can't seem to keep the house clean.  I can't seem to please everyone.

Hmmm.  Maybe that's the problem?  I spend so much time pleasing everyone else (or at least trying to) - I forget about me.  But does a "good mom" just do that - forget about themselves and put everyone else first?

I love.  I laugh.  I tickle and make them snort when laughing.  I've even been known to make them laugh so hard they snort and fart at the same time.  I hug.  I kiss.  I scratch backs to relax.  I wipe butts.  I sing.  I rock.  I read books and play with puzzles.  I take them places.  I TRY to teach the ABCs and 123s.  I TRY to teach how to spell C-A-T or D-O-G.  I give them a sense of family by having grandparents and aunts over (to me it's so important to have a good family bond with extended family).  I bake (although I know they only help so they can eat the batter or the dough).  I bring them to the park when I can't stand going to the park.  I allow them to learn on their own (as hard as that is).  I feed, clothe, bathe and fix boo-boos.  I dry tears.  I love. 

I don't know what makes a great mom.  I'm sure my mom wondered if she was a good mom herself.  I am sure most moms wonder the same thing.  I guess the one thing I DO know is in my heart I love those little girls more than I could ever find the words for.  My actions may not always show that - but it's true.  I just really hope I don't screw them up to where they need therapy later in life.  I make mistakes.  I am human.  I am a mom.