it's been rough lately. Very very rough. Allison is exhibiting signs of MSPI just like her sister did and it's been rough. Crying for hours on end. In lots of pain. Nothing can console her until it passes.
Last night I held her for 6 hours straight while she screamed her head off in pain. I got three hours of sleep which seems to be the norm lately. Exhausted.
I am going to be trying her on rat poison (aka formula) at her next feeding and will pump as well. Doing this just to see if it helps. Feels shitty. Feels like I am a failure and can't even breastfeed my children. BUT if the formula helps - then I'd rather have that than bloody diapers or screaming in pain because their intestines are raw and inflamed and bleeding.
Other than that? Emily is slowly coming around and warming up to her big sister and me again. Still not 100% but slowly making progress.
Oh how I long for happiness back in my home. Happiness for Allison. Happiness for Emily. Happiness for Erik. If all of them are happy...then that will allow happiness for myself.
Here's to hoping and to reminding myself often...this too shall pass.