Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Blah.

So yes, I have been staying away from the blog. I have been staying away from pretty much everything lately. Not sure why. Baby blues I suppose.

I am feeling REALLY run down and just EXHAUSTED. I am sure a lot of that has to do with the munchkin in my tummy, but it's almost overwhelming how run down I feel!

The past couple of days I have had some spotting. I can honestly say I don't know if I have ever been so scared in my entire life!!! Saw the doctor yesterday and everything is fine. Heartbeat is a strong 160! Makes me wonder if it is a girl with a heartbeat that high. The doctor wasn't overly concerned with my bleeding but did say that I need to take it easy. She said if I am feeling exhausted - I probably am and to slow it down. If I have more spotting, stop and relax for a few hours. If I am feeling I need a break, take one.

The thing is? I feel like I need a vacation. A vacation away from life. A vacation away from my daughter. A vacation away from my husband. Just a vacation with just me, a good book, maybe some tv, pjs alllll day if I want - and just NO responsibility. I am NOT saying I don't love my daughter or my husband, I am just saying I need some ME time. Not just for part of a day. But for a few days. I know that is impossible for me to have, but I want it. But I guess I'll take what I can get. I'll take the moments when hubby takes munchkin out of the house to the park or to run errands. I'll take the moments hubby is on shift and munchkin is sleeping. I'll also take the moments munchkin is asleep for the night and hubby is on shift. Please don't get me wrong - it's not like I don't WANT to be around my family because I love them so very deeply and I would NEVER want to lose them. But, just right at this moment...I just need to be around ME.

Tomorrow we have an ultrasound to check for Downs for the new munchkin. I can't wait to see the little bean on the screen moving around. I haven't felt the bean yet (or if I have, I have been dismissing it as gas) but it will be exciting to see it moving! Heck, it will be exciting to see it period!

Next month we will be able to find out the gender! I am going to ask them to look tomorrow but it may still be too early. With the heartbeat so high, I am thinking it may be a girl. I think we both want a boy, but I will be happy with a girl too!!!

At any rate...it's time for me to take advantage of some quiet time right now - and that's just what I am going to do!

Hopefully tomorrow I will have some pictures to share!! Have a great night!

3 comments:

Trina said...

Honey...I'm sorry I had NO idea! I wish you wouldve called me! Keep me posted after your appt tomorrow. And if you need me to come get Em for a little bit fri afternoon or Sat I can! Just please ASK...I really dont mind!
Love you!

Mandie, Daniel and Dawson said...

I know what it's like to need a vacation from life! I hope things get more settled for you, and good luck with the ultrasound!

Wendy said...

I can TOTALLY relate about needing a vacation from life. :oP I hope you feel better soon.