Midlife...

Might as well just start this blog like all the others..."It's been forever since I blogged..." - there. Said it. Now I can continue! :)

I am having a hard time grasping that the munchkin will be TWO on Saturday. I still can't believe it. I almost think she should graduate from "munchkin" to "kid". We shall see.

I also can't believe I will be celebrating my FOURTEENTH anniversary of my 21st birthday on Saturday too! Growing up, this age seemed SO OLD. It's funny how the older you get - those "old" ages aren't so old anymore. Someone that dies at 70 to me is still quite young. As of Saturday - I "officially" enter mid-life. That means half of my life is over. It's quite crazy if you ask me. It brings up a lot of emotions, feelings, thoughts. Have I done everything I wanted to? Have I let stupid things go? Have I focused on what is IMPORTANT and stopped worrying about the little things? Have I learned to understand that people make mistakes and no one is perfect so when I get hurt or angry to remember they are just as human as I am? Have I taken time to take care of myself? Have I laughed enough? Smiled enough? Hugged enough?

Yes and no to all of those. I am at the point where I am now doing all the things I wanted. I have an amazing husband, a beautiful daughter and another beautiful daughter on the way. I am also a homeowner. All those things can be checked off the list. I have AMAZING family that I know I can count on if I need them. I have great friends that will also be there for me when I need them...even if it puts them out. THAT right there is all I need.

I am a work in progress with learning to let the stupid things go - but I must admit between a year or two ago and now...I have learned to let the little stupid things go. Again, I remind myself that everyone is human. Everyone makes mistakes. I probably make the most. When someone pisses me off or hurts my feelings, I talk it out - in my head. Weird I suppose, but that's what I need to do. I have learned that people I love and people that love me don't intentionally set out to hurt me with their actions.

I am still learning to focus on what is important and not spend so much time worrying about what isn't. Again, it is definitely a work in progress. I have been one that likes perfection my whole life. I want everything to be perfect and when things are out of my control...I stress. I am learning to stop that nonsense but it isn't always easy. My husband is the same way and we tend to remind one another to chill out when we get that way. It's a good reminder to have someone call me on it! :) I mean come on, the house may be messy but we are all happy. The laundry may need to get done, but playing with the munchkin is more important. Dinner may need to be cooked, but if I am exhausted and sick and need to rest then take out isn't all that bad. Like I said, a work in progress. I can't please everyone and the moment I try to take care of everyone instead of myself...I fail. I have to remember to stop and take care of ME too - otherwise I WON'T even make it to 70!

Have I taken care of myself? The answer is flat-out no. I haven't taken the time to work out more, eat better, and relax when I need to. I am always thinking there is more to be done and those things can wait. I think this will be the hardest one for me to do, but as my 14th anniversary of that 21st birthday gets closer, I am making it my goal to start doing that. If I don't take care of me, who will? If I don't take care of me, I won't be around for my children or husband. If I don't take care of me, I will be remembered as the girl who always took care of everyone else and "damn we miss her", but I won't be HERE, and that, to me, is more important. I WANT to see my children grow up, get married, have babies of their own. I WANT to be old and feeble with my husband. I want to look at him when I am 70 (and the he is only 66) and hold his hand on that porch swing and be happy where I am. I won't get that if I don't focus on myself at times. I DO NOT think it's selfish to take care of ME and that's what I need to learn to do.

Have I smiled, laughed and hugged more? Again, a work in progress. I need to remember to do that. I fail to do that sometimes because I am too wound up with everything else. So that's what I am learning to do.

I hope on my 40th birthday I can look back over the previous 5 years and realize that I accomplished all the things I wanted to work on and be happy with my progress! I am sure these lessons won't be easy, but they are worth it. I am worth it, and so are the people I love!