Not much to report today. It's been a really hard day for me. My grandma is getting closer and closer to her final moment and it was hard for me to see her today. She is just SO weak and just getting worse and worse. It's been SUPER tough for me today. I have cried a lot.
She is so sweet because she always is so happy to see me and Emily and always makes sure to ask if Erik is okay. I just love her and I am sure going to miss her.
As for Erik, he had the day off today. He spent the day hanging out and was able to catch the movie Step Brothers with Will Ferrell.
Tomorrow he will find out if he has another assignment or if he will be heading home!
If you have any room left...could you add us to your prayers? It's been so hard lately!
Families are the compass that guide us. They are the inspiration to reach great heights, and our comfort when we occasionally falter.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
My Mom Always Told Me To Watch My Mouth!
Today Emily and I made our way to Antioch (35-40 minutes from home) to visit my grandmother again. We met with hospice again today. The hospice nurse thought it may be a week or two tops. I think it will be sooner.
At any rate, I am thankful for the hug and kiss I got and the fact I was able to be there today while she slept. :) I was thankful Emily was great again today and am thankful I was able to spend time with my cousin from Oregon whose birthday happens to be today.
Once Emily and I left we had to head to the grocery store to return our freebefore accruing $3 in late fees DVD and pick up a few things. When we got there I put her in the Ergo since it was going to be a quick trip. She was NOT havin' it. So I thought...okay...we'll grab a cart, I don't need the shopping cart cover because it will be such a quick trip. It's always hard to juggle her and the cover and plus the carts were super far away. So I put her in the shopping cart and went to strap her in only to realize all of the carts had ridiculously short restraints. RAR. Back to the car we go to get the shopping cart protector and then into the store.
As we are shopping my phone is ringing off the hook and people are in my way, or trying to talk to me while I am on the phone or whatever. I hate shopping and talking but it was family and the calls needed to be answered. So I finished shopping and unloaded the stuff from the cart, put it in the car, strapped Emily in (but not without her getting tangled in the shopping cart protector and then trying to eat her restraints like she does every single time I put her in her car seat) and jumped in the car. When I got in, out of frustration I said the f word.
Then...in the sweetest voice ever...I hear my daughter mimick me. :|
Oops! BIG oops!
Now I know she has mimicked both Erik and I a lot and I guess I just didn't think she'd pick this up too. Granted, she does say "duck" so to hear the "f" in front of it is no surprise. Now this will be her LAST time she ever hears it out of my mouth so hopefully she will never say it again.
Erik is doing structure protection today in a VERY contained area. He is not too happy about the lack of fire around him...but I sure am! He is doing 24 on today and then will figure out if he is off for 24 tomorrow or if they will pick up another assignment.
This morning I was watching the news and they showed his strike team! It was pretty cool! It was only the engines but it was neat to "see" him so-to-speak.
At any rate, I have a clingy/fussy/sleepy/hungry baby on my lap so I must go!
'Til tomorrow! :)
At any rate, I am thankful for the hug and kiss I got and the fact I was able to be there today while she slept. :) I was thankful Emily was great again today and am thankful I was able to spend time with my cousin from Oregon whose birthday happens to be today.
Once Emily and I left we had to head to the grocery store to return our free
As we are shopping my phone is ringing off the hook and people are in my way, or trying to talk to me while I am on the phone or whatever. I hate shopping and talking but it was family and the calls needed to be answered. So I finished shopping and unloaded the stuff from the cart, put it in the car, strapped Emily in (but not without her getting tangled in the shopping cart protector and then trying to eat her restraints like she does every single time I put her in her car seat) and jumped in the car. When I got in, out of frustration I said the f word.
Then...in the sweetest voice ever...I hear my daughter mimick me. :|
Oops! BIG oops!
Now I know she has mimicked both Erik and I a lot and I guess I just didn't think she'd pick this up too. Granted, she does say "duck" so to hear the "f" in front of it is no surprise. Now this will be her LAST time she ever hears it out of my mouth so hopefully she will never say it again.
Erik is doing structure protection today in a VERY contained area. He is not too happy about the lack of fire around him...but I sure am! He is doing 24 on today and then will figure out if he is off for 24 tomorrow or if they will pick up another assignment.
This morning I was watching the news and they showed his strike team! It was pretty cool! It was only the engines but it was neat to "see" him so-to-speak.
At any rate, I have a clingy/fussy/sleepy/hungry baby on my lap so I must go!
'Til tomorrow! :)
Monday, July 28, 2008
Fire Near The BEST Rock Museum...EVER
First off...a lot of you have been emailing me asking about my grandmother and I just wanted to thank all of you for your well wishes and continued support and prayers. She is still hanging in there, each day getting a little closer to the inevitable. Hospice gave us information on what to expect on her last days and she is displaying all but two of the signs. I feel really blessed to be able to spend these days with her. I love her so much and when she asks me every single day if I am coming the next day...you better believe I am! It feels nice to hear she asks my mom what time I will show up. It is so awesome to still be able to get a hug and kiss from her. Please continue to pray for all of us. This is hitting me VERY hard and I think I will be taking up the counseling that hospice offers. I feel it can't hurt to talk through my feelings with the people that do this on a daily basis. I believe my cousin, my mom, and myself will be talking to the counselors, especially since we are her caregivers in these last few days. Please keep us in your prayers.
Secondly, a lot of you have called and emailed to check in about Erik as well. Again, I appreciate all the kind words, support and prayers. I am SO blessed to have such amazing people in my life!
Erik left his station last night at 2am to head down to the fire. They arrived at a very full base camp where they ate breakfast and just waited for the morning briefing. The rest of the day was spent...well...doing a whole lotta nothin'! He managed to call me quite a few times and was able to relax *some*. In his bored state, he was able to tour the museum at the faigrounds...The California State Mining and Mineral Museum that is. He said it was considered the "best" rock museum ever. :)
After being up for over 24 hours straight, he is now sleeping in a hotel in Madera for the night. He will be up early to head over to base camp for a briefing and then for assignments.
I will be sure to keep all of you up to date with what is going on as I find out!
For those interested in the continuing story...here is an article...
http://www.ktvu.com/news/17006213/detail.html
Followed by some pictures:
Secondly, a lot of you have called and emailed to check in about Erik as well. Again, I appreciate all the kind words, support and prayers. I am SO blessed to have such amazing people in my life!
Erik left his station last night at 2am to head down to the fire. They arrived at a very full base camp where they ate breakfast and just waited for the morning briefing. The rest of the day was spent...well...doing a whole lotta nothin'! He managed to call me quite a few times and was able to relax *some*. In his bored state, he was able to tour the museum at the faigrounds...The California State Mining and Mineral Museum that is. He said it was considered the "best" rock museum ever. :)
After being up for over 24 hours straight, he is now sleeping in a hotel in Madera for the night. He will be up early to head over to base camp for a briefing and then for assignments.
I will be sure to keep all of you up to date with what is going on as I find out!
For those interested in the continuing story...here is an article...
http://www.ktvu.com/news/17006213/detail.html
Followed by some pictures:
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Sunday Shopping
Had a nice day today...errr...let me rephrase that...a much needed nice day today! I went out to visit my grandma this morning. She didn't even realize I was there because she was sleeping. She woke up 10 minutes before I had to leave so I was able to at least get a hug and a kiss.
After visiting I headed home to pick up my sister-in-law and my friend Val with her daughter Kaylee to head up to Sacramento to do some retail therapy! Now I am not one that likes to shop. Especially for myself. I don't even like to spend money - probably because I never have any. But if I am driving up to Sacramento to go shopping, I am not coming home empty handed. Of course, it's easier to buy things when it isn't for me - but for Emily instead. We went to Goore's which is a baby store up there. Val and I were emailed to let us they were having a clearance sale. We thought we shouldn't miss it - so off we went in hopes to find some really good deals.
Wrong.
The only clearance items they had were clothes. The "clearance" price for cute clothes ranged from $18 to $40. I think Val may have found something cheaper. I found a really cute outfit for Emily...but it was 50% off which meant $40. No thanks.
I did end up buying her some baby legs because Ilove super puffy heart baby legs. They have little pirates on them. I also bought a very unnecessary blanket for us when we go to the park or the beach or whatever. It folds up really compact which is nice. I also bought some ribbon thing - which kind of reminds me of the ones the gymnasts use...you know...like this:
Emily loves it. Amy and I got a kick out of it too when I tried to do the above leap with the ribbon. Not pretty....butstomach hurting funny.
After Goore's we headed to lunch at the Sacramento Brewery. Lunch was soooooo good! Emily wanted NOTHING to do with the avacado I tried feeding her. She, of course, realized it wasn't pureed and hated it. I then tried to give her water through a straw and she wasn't havin' it either. This girl drinks water every single day (yes...I know there are some people who will call me a bad mom for giving my daughter water every day) but usually from a sippy cup. Since this WASN'T from a sippy cup, she didn't know what to think...but I think the face says it all:
After lunch we headed home, dropped Val and Kaylee off and then came home to feed, bathe, and put the munchkin to bed.
It's now about 9pm and I just got a phone call from my husband to tell me he was going out on a strike team tomorrow morning. They almost sent them tonight but it will be tomorrow morning instead. He is going to the fire in Yosemite. The fire has burned 19,000 acres since Friday and has claimed 8 homes. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE keep him in your prayers! I hate when he has to go and I can't help but worry. I know he's trained and he'll be safe but when you hear of two LODDs (line of duty death) in the past few days...it's scary! So any extra prayers would be awesome!
At any rate...time to hit the hay! I have another full day ahead of me tomorrow!
After visiting I headed home to pick up my sister-in-law and my friend Val with her daughter Kaylee to head up to Sacramento to do some retail therapy! Now I am not one that likes to shop. Especially for myself. I don't even like to spend money - probably because I never have any. But if I am driving up to Sacramento to go shopping, I am not coming home empty handed. Of course, it's easier to buy things when it isn't for me - but for Emily instead. We went to Goore's which is a baby store up there. Val and I were emailed to let us they were having a clearance sale. We thought we shouldn't miss it - so off we went in hopes to find some really good deals.
Wrong.
The only clearance items they had were clothes. The "clearance" price for cute clothes ranged from $18 to $40. I think Val may have found something cheaper. I found a really cute outfit for Emily...but it was 50% off which meant $40. No thanks.
I did end up buying her some baby legs because I
Emily loves it. Amy and I got a kick out of it too when I tried to do the above leap with the ribbon. Not pretty....but
After Goore's we headed to lunch at the Sacramento Brewery. Lunch was soooooo good! Emily wanted NOTHING to do with the avacado I tried feeding her. She, of course, realized it wasn't pureed and hated it. I then tried to give her water through a straw and she wasn't havin' it either. This girl drinks water every single day (yes...I know there are some people who will call me a bad mom for giving my daughter water every day) but usually from a sippy cup. Since this WASN'T from a sippy cup, she didn't know what to think...but I think the face says it all:
After lunch we headed home, dropped Val and Kaylee off and then came home to feed, bathe, and put the munchkin to bed.
It's now about 9pm and I just got a phone call from my husband to tell me he was going out on a strike team tomorrow morning. They almost sent them tonight but it will be tomorrow morning instead. He is going to the fire in Yosemite. The fire has burned 19,000 acres since Friday and has claimed 8 homes. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE keep him in your prayers! I hate when he has to go and I can't help but worry. I know he's trained and he'll be safe but when you hear of two LODDs (line of duty death) in the past few days...it's scary! So any extra prayers would be awesome!
At any rate...time to hit the hay! I have another full day ahead of me tomorrow!
Friday, July 25, 2008
One Singular Sensation...
So last night my mom, her friend, and I went to San Francisco to see the Broadway musical, A Chorus Line. It was a good show, with a few hang ups, but definitely a MUCH needed night out!
We went to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner and then headed over to the Curran Theater to get our seats and wait for the show to start. We sat in the Mezzanine and our view was great. The only hang up was the rows were thisclose together which gave you less leg room than the coach section of an airplane. Standing at 5'9" (and about 6' with my shoes) I was thankful for the aisle seat. However, although I sat on the aisle, it didn't stop my legs from cramping!
The show started and at times it was really really hard to understand the performers. It seemed like their microphones needed to be turned up and the music needed to be turned down. But other than that, it was great, and I'd recommend it to anyone looking for a broadway show to see!
I was excited to read in my playbill that Phantom of the Opera is coming back this holiday season. Phantom, along with 42nd Street, were my two favorites. I told Erik that for my birthday and Christmas combined, I wanted him to go and notbitch complain once about having to. We'll see if he'll go, he gave me this look: which makes me think it will be a battle. And...rightfully so. We saw CATS and that was by far the worst thing I ever saw on Broadway. Since it was Erik's first Broadway experience, it also made him a hater of anything on stage.
So...we'll see! :)
We went to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner and then headed over to the Curran Theater to get our seats and wait for the show to start. We sat in the Mezzanine and our view was great. The only hang up was the rows were thisclose together which gave you less leg room than the coach section of an airplane. Standing at 5'9" (and about 6' with my shoes) I was thankful for the aisle seat. However, although I sat on the aisle, it didn't stop my legs from cramping!
The show started and at times it was really really hard to understand the performers. It seemed like their microphones needed to be turned up and the music needed to be turned down. But other than that, it was great, and I'd recommend it to anyone looking for a broadway show to see!
I was excited to read in my playbill that Phantom of the Opera is coming back this holiday season. Phantom, along with 42nd Street, were my two favorites. I told Erik that for my birthday and Christmas combined, I wanted him to go and not
So...we'll see! :)
Monday, July 21, 2008
Family...
The last few days have been spent visiting with family down from Oregon, and of course, spending time with my grandmother. It's so nice when our family is together and I am truly blessed to have such wonderful people in my life.
I believe that family is SO important. I want to make sure Emily grows up knowing that. I want to give her closeness with her family, like I have with mine.
I know some families have disagreements, disappointments, hard feelings and resentments from things that may have happened in the past. It seems like the common denominator in families is that most people can not even remember what they are fighting about! All I can say is that it DOES NOT matter what may have happened. It honestly doesn't. We are all human, we all make mistakes. We all, at some point in our lives, disappoint others, hurt others and argue with others. Some of the choices we make in our own lives may not be what others think are the best, but they are OUR choices. Just like your family members...whatever choices they make, they are THEIR choices. No one said you have to agree with them, but just remember they are your blood, they are part of you. They are human, just like we are. No one is perfect. I personally think it is so important to heal wounds and move forward before it's too late. I have seen people regret not making amends and that, in itself, can tear you down quicker than you can imagine. I know it isn't easy, but it's so important to move forward with peace in your heart. You have the time NOW to make amends for any ill-feelings toward any of your family members and I urge all of you reading to take that into consideration before it's too late.
I also want to urge all of you to hold all your family members close. Keep them as close to you as possible. Go out of your way to be a part of their lives and allow them to be a part of yours. The time you neglect now may catch up with you at some point and you may be left saying "I wish I would have spent more time" or "I wish I had made more of an effort". I am learning that is life is SO short. It's shorter than we think. We can think of someone that is older, like my grandmother, and think "wow, she lived a long, good life", and she has. But really, 85 years doesn't seem long enough to me. I wish she had 85 more left.
So once again, hold your family close. Make amends NOW before it's too late. Practice patience and tolerance. Love unconditionally. Create memories. Show up. Be there. Listen. Laugh. Love.
I am so honored to have these wonderful people in my life...
My Aunt Susie and Cousin Michael...
My Uncle Jackie (left), and Uncle Denny (whom I am named after) on the right. They are the BIGGEST goof balls and they were totally making weird faces for this picture...
My grandmother "Mam-ma" to the grandkids, "Mimi" to the great-granchildren, playing with Emily
My Uncle Jackie, My Mom, My Uncle Denny, and my grandmother
My favorite cousin Michael (my grandma's great-grandson), Myself, and my grandmother...
My Aunt Beth holding and feeding Emily...
It's dark, but this is my heart, my grandmother, Mabel ("Mam-ma" pronounced Mamaw)
And my amazing Mother...
I believe that family is SO important. I want to make sure Emily grows up knowing that. I want to give her closeness with her family, like I have with mine.
I know some families have disagreements, disappointments, hard feelings and resentments from things that may have happened in the past. It seems like the common denominator in families is that most people can not even remember what they are fighting about! All I can say is that it DOES NOT matter what may have happened. It honestly doesn't. We are all human, we all make mistakes. We all, at some point in our lives, disappoint others, hurt others and argue with others. Some of the choices we make in our own lives may not be what others think are the best, but they are OUR choices. Just like your family members...whatever choices they make, they are THEIR choices. No one said you have to agree with them, but just remember they are your blood, they are part of you. They are human, just like we are. No one is perfect. I personally think it is so important to heal wounds and move forward before it's too late. I have seen people regret not making amends and that, in itself, can tear you down quicker than you can imagine. I know it isn't easy, but it's so important to move forward with peace in your heart. You have the time NOW to make amends for any ill-feelings toward any of your family members and I urge all of you reading to take that into consideration before it's too late.
I also want to urge all of you to hold all your family members close. Keep them as close to you as possible. Go out of your way to be a part of their lives and allow them to be a part of yours. The time you neglect now may catch up with you at some point and you may be left saying "I wish I would have spent more time" or "I wish I had made more of an effort". I am learning that is life is SO short. It's shorter than we think. We can think of someone that is older, like my grandmother, and think "wow, she lived a long, good life", and she has. But really, 85 years doesn't seem long enough to me. I wish she had 85 more left.
So once again, hold your family close. Make amends NOW before it's too late. Practice patience and tolerance. Love unconditionally. Create memories. Show up. Be there. Listen. Laugh. Love.
I am so honored to have these wonderful people in my life...
My Aunt Susie and Cousin Michael...
My Uncle Jackie (left), and Uncle Denny (whom I am named after) on the right. They are the BIGGEST goof balls and they were totally making weird faces for this picture...
My grandmother "Mam-ma" to the grandkids, "Mimi" to the great-granchildren, playing with Emily
My Uncle Jackie, My Mom, My Uncle Denny, and my grandmother
My favorite cousin Michael (my grandma's great-grandson), Myself, and my grandmother...
My Aunt Beth holding and feeding Emily...
It's dark, but this is my heart, my grandmother, Mabel ("Mam-ma" pronounced Mamaw)
And my amazing Mother...
Sweden in July
Erik's family from Sweden came into town for a visit this past weekend. It was nice meeting them and spending an evening with them. It was the first time any of his family had met them, and of course, the first time I had too!
We met at their hotel and then headed over to Union Square to talk for a bit. Nothing too exciting was happening at Union Square so we headed over to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner. It was a nice visit filled with great food, drinks and laughter...definitely what my sould needed! :) After dinner we headed to their hotel for a bit to look at pictures and talk before we made our way back home!
I hope that we will be able to keep in touch with them...and who knows...maybe we'll even be able to visit them in Sweden one day! :)
We met at their hotel and then headed over to Union Square to talk for a bit. Nothing too exciting was happening at Union Square so we headed over to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner. It was a nice visit filled with great food, drinks and laughter...definitely what my sould needed! :) After dinner we headed to their hotel for a bit to look at pictures and talk before we made our way back home!
I hope that we will be able to keep in touch with them...and who knows...maybe we'll even be able to visit them in Sweden one day! :)
Friday, July 18, 2008
Height, Weight, Circumference
Today Emily had her 9 month well-baby check (at 10.5 months).
She is a whoppin' 22 pounds, 12 ounces. This puts her at the 90th percentile of weight...
29 3/4 inches long which puts her at the 90th percentile of height...
Can't remember her head circumference now, but it's in the 50th percentile!
YAY for stats! :)
She is a whoppin' 22 pounds, 12 ounces. This puts her at the 90th percentile of weight...
29 3/4 inches long which puts her at the 90th percentile of height...
Can't remember her head circumference now, but it's in the 50th percentile!
YAY for stats! :)
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Prayers Please!!
I just found some horrible news about my grandma! She only has a month or so left. I am devestated and so is pretty much everyone else. We were hoping she'd last longer but since she started the chemo her condition has just gotten so much worse!
Please pray for us if you can!
Please pray for us if you can!
Monday, July 14, 2008
Cake Makes Me Happy!
So as I mentioned before, I am planning Emily's first birthday! With her first birthday, inevitably comes the ever-so-anticipated bite of her very own birthday cake! I can't wait for this cake to be splattered through her hair, all over her face, and just about everywhere! I know it may not happen that way...but I hope she goes crazy with it!
As some of you may (or may not) know, Emily has MSPI. MSPI is a milk and soy protein intolerance. When she was new to us we didn't know what was wrong. We were told it was colic and it would go away. She screamed so much and I just knew that scream wasn't because she was colicky. I was assured over and over that is exactly the reason she was crying. Her crying then turned into bloody diapers. Once again they assured it's colic with some fissures. Wrong. I was just NOT taking that for an answer and FINALLY after a lot of tears and frustration, we found someone to listen! He literally was a God-send. He was not a pediatrician but was the only one available to see Emily on a weekend. He then got us in touch with her pediatrician she has now. I felt I was the one that had to educate the doctors on her condition. I am still not sure if her doctor is 100% up-to-date on this issue, but I know she speaks to a GI doc when she (or we) have questions that she doesn't know the answer to.
So fast forward to today. Emily is just thriving now! We couldn't be happier. I had to stop breastfeeding when she was 3 months and she was put onrat poison formula. It is a special formula called "Neocate" that is prescription for us. I thank God it's prescription because it is outrageously expensive.
At any rate...I am getting off track as to what this post is about...
After a lot of searching...I found TWO different recipes that we can use to make her her very first birthday cake! YAY! They are completely soy and dairy free and honestly, they look yummy! I haven't decided if I will make hers special or if I will make the cake for everyone. I was just going to have hers be special but after reading the recipe...it sounds soooo good! So we'll see! :)
So that was my happiness for today! I found the recipes and planning is going as...well...planned!! :)
By the way...last night...I had a GREAT dinner with my husband! We went to this restaurant called the Dead Fish. It has a great view of the Bay and AWESOME food! We were able to sit outside and take in the view. It was a breathtaking view last night and we even got our own private table in the curtain area (you are in your own little "room" so-to-speak...separated by curtains all around you and facing the amazing view!). Here is a pic from their website. It does not do our view justice. We were able to see far out into the water and watch the sun set! :)
At any rate, it was a much needed "date" night for us! I was just so sad when he had to leave this morning for 3 days! :(
As some of you may (or may not) know, Emily has MSPI. MSPI is a milk and soy protein intolerance. When she was new to us we didn't know what was wrong. We were told it was colic and it would go away. She screamed so much and I just knew that scream wasn't because she was colicky. I was assured over and over that is exactly the reason she was crying. Her crying then turned into bloody diapers. Once again they assured it's colic with some fissures. Wrong. I was just NOT taking that for an answer and FINALLY after a lot of tears and frustration, we found someone to listen! He literally was a God-send. He was not a pediatrician but was the only one available to see Emily on a weekend. He then got us in touch with her pediatrician she has now. I felt I was the one that had to educate the doctors on her condition. I am still not sure if her doctor is 100% up-to-date on this issue, but I know she speaks to a GI doc when she (or we) have questions that she doesn't know the answer to.
So fast forward to today. Emily is just thriving now! We couldn't be happier. I had to stop breastfeeding when she was 3 months and she was put on
At any rate...I am getting off track as to what this post is about...
After a lot of searching...I found TWO different recipes that we can use to make her her very first birthday cake! YAY! They are completely soy and dairy free and honestly, they look yummy! I haven't decided if I will make hers special or if I will make the cake for everyone. I was just going to have hers be special but after reading the recipe...it sounds soooo good! So we'll see! :)
So that was my happiness for today! I found the recipes and planning is going as...well...planned!! :)
By the way...last night...I had a GREAT dinner with my husband! We went to this restaurant called the Dead Fish. It has a great view of the Bay and AWESOME food! We were able to sit outside and take in the view. It was a breathtaking view last night and we even got our own private table in the curtain area (you are in your own little "room" so-to-speak...separated by curtains all around you and facing the amazing view!). Here is a pic from their website. It does not do our view justice. We were able to see far out into the water and watch the sun set! :)
At any rate, it was a much needed "date" night for us! I was just so sad when he had to leave this morning for 3 days! :(
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Just Real Quick...
Just wanted to blog real quick to say that our little munchkin is starting to stand on her own! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
My friend Trina came over earlier and Emily was holding her hands "walking". Emily decided to become independent and let go and she stood! Trina and I looked at each other in shock! After Trina left she did it a few more times! I will have to take video to share!
AND I am happy to be going to dinner with my hubby. We had breakfast this morning before he taught his class. We will have dinner tonight and then...
he's back to work for 72 more hours. Boo. It's tough. He got mandatoried (is that how you spell that?) overtime for tomorrow and is on his regular shift Tuesday and Wednesday. There is also a chance he'll go on a strike team this next shift to help with the wildfires which means he'll be gone for some time. God only knows how long.
Can't help but feel a little sad because I don't see him much but I am really looking forward to having a nice dinner!
Well off I go...
"talk" to you all soon! :)
My friend Trina came over earlier and Emily was holding her hands "walking". Emily decided to become independent and let go and she stood! Trina and I looked at each other in shock! After Trina left she did it a few more times! I will have to take video to share!
AND I am happy to be going to dinner with my hubby. We had breakfast this morning before he taught his class. We will have dinner tonight and then...
he's back to work for 72 more hours. Boo. It's tough. He got mandatoried (is that how you spell that?) overtime for tomorrow and is on his regular shift Tuesday and Wednesday. There is also a chance he'll go on a strike team this next shift to help with the wildfires which means he'll be gone for some time. God only knows how long.
Can't help but feel a little sad because I don't see him much but I am really looking forward to having a nice dinner!
Well off I go...
"talk" to you all soon! :)
Saturday, July 12, 2008
The Life of a Firefighter Wife
Now I don't expect anyone to understand, so just know I am merely venting. I know I do have some readers that will be able to sympathize as they too are married to a firefighter ("ff") or a cop or military personnel. I will have others who can imagine themselves in my shoes and can probably relate. I will then have the others that will tell me to suck it up and get over it! :) LOL!
But today...and actually lately...I miss my husband. It's not like he is gone on a strike team for days on end, but some days it feels like that. He's been working so much lately and it feels like we haven't spent much time together. This week I have been able to spend three whole days with him. Today he is back on shift for another 24 hour run and tomorrow he is teaching for a good portion of the day. I know this is how it is, I married into it. I was with him while he pursued his dream and I was with him when he achieved it. I was initiated into this, just like he was, but on the side of a spouse. I know it's hard on him to be away from us too and I am not asking him to change his career or even fix this situation, all I am saying is I miss him. I think I am allowed to do that from time to time, right?
Some days I can't WAIT for him to go back on shift! I look forward to two days of sleeping in the middle of the bed at night with no background noise coming from his nose! I look forward to lounging in my pjs all day long if I feel like it! I look forward to giving myself a facial and walking around in a green mask on my face without the humiliation of him having to see it and laugh at me! LOL! I look forward to watching anything and everything I want on tv without comments of how reality tv is lame. But then, there are days I hate it. Like today.
I think the spouse of a ff looks at the backside of a front door differently than the spouse of those in different professions, with the exception of Police and Military. I think we look at the door wondering if today is the day, that our ff does not come home. Our ffs work odd hours, in our department it is 2 days on, 4 days off. Sure, most people think the 4 days off is heaven, but with us, especially lately, the 4 days off are more like 2.5.
The past two years he has worked every single holiday. That means Christmas, Thanksgiving, 4th of July, New Years Eve, etc. Which means, for the past 2 years, I have been alone on those holidays. Sure, we celebrate on a different day, but while the entire world is celebrating ON that day, I don't get to experience that with my husband, and I want to. It breaks my heart he isn't always here to see Emily's "firsts". Sure, he sees it when he gets home and I do my best to video tape when I can, but it isn't the same as being here. He was gone on her first Christmas morning and will be again this year when she might just get it a little more. Sure, we'll celebrate on a different day...after all, Santa does special deliveries when daddy's (or mommy's) have to work on Christmas Eve/Day...but it isn't the same.
So today, I think I can feel lonely. Today, I think it should be okay for me to miss him. For today, I think I can dislike being a FFW (firefighter's wife). Please don't tell me "he makes good money so get over it" when you see your spouse every single day and get to sleep next to him/her every single night. Please don't tell me "it's no big deal" when the most you have been away from your spouse is between the hours of 8-5. And please don't tell me "it's not that bad" when you don't worry about your spouse walking out the door and never coming back home. I have been told all those things from various people who thrive on being able to see their spouses every night. I know they are just trying to help me get through the hard times. But...it still hurts just the same. And I know Erik will do everything in his power to be safe. He is very trained and I trust and love the guys he works with, but you just never quite know what can happen...to any of us. So today...I am where I am in feeling like this and I am telling myself it's okay to feel this way today!
Tomorrow...I am sure I'll be over it! :)
But today...and actually lately...I miss my husband. It's not like he is gone on a strike team for days on end, but some days it feels like that. He's been working so much lately and it feels like we haven't spent much time together. This week I have been able to spend three whole days with him. Today he is back on shift for another 24 hour run and tomorrow he is teaching for a good portion of the day. I know this is how it is, I married into it. I was with him while he pursued his dream and I was with him when he achieved it. I was initiated into this, just like he was, but on the side of a spouse. I know it's hard on him to be away from us too and I am not asking him to change his career or even fix this situation, all I am saying is I miss him. I think I am allowed to do that from time to time, right?
Some days I can't WAIT for him to go back on shift! I look forward to two days of sleeping in the middle of the bed at night with no background noise coming from his nose! I look forward to lounging in my pjs all day long if I feel like it! I look forward to giving myself a facial and walking around in a green mask on my face without the humiliation of him having to see it and laugh at me! LOL! I look forward to watching anything and everything I want on tv without comments of how reality tv is lame. But then, there are days I hate it. Like today.
I think the spouse of a ff looks at the backside of a front door differently than the spouse of those in different professions, with the exception of Police and Military. I think we look at the door wondering if today is the day, that our ff does not come home. Our ffs work odd hours, in our department it is 2 days on, 4 days off. Sure, most people think the 4 days off is heaven, but with us, especially lately, the 4 days off are more like 2.5.
The past two years he has worked every single holiday. That means Christmas, Thanksgiving, 4th of July, New Years Eve, etc. Which means, for the past 2 years, I have been alone on those holidays. Sure, we celebrate on a different day, but while the entire world is celebrating ON that day, I don't get to experience that with my husband, and I want to. It breaks my heart he isn't always here to see Emily's "firsts". Sure, he sees it when he gets home and I do my best to video tape when I can, but it isn't the same as being here. He was gone on her first Christmas morning and will be again this year when she might just get it a little more. Sure, we'll celebrate on a different day...after all, Santa does special deliveries when daddy's (or mommy's) have to work on Christmas Eve/Day...but it isn't the same.
So today, I think I can feel lonely. Today, I think it should be okay for me to miss him. For today, I think I can dislike being a FFW (firefighter's wife). Please don't tell me "he makes good money so get over it" when you see your spouse every single day and get to sleep next to him/her every single night. Please don't tell me "it's no big deal" when the most you have been away from your spouse is between the hours of 8-5. And please don't tell me "it's not that bad" when you don't worry about your spouse walking out the door and never coming back home. I have been told all those things from various people who thrive on being able to see their spouses every night. I know they are just trying to help me get through the hard times. But...it still hurts just the same. And I know Erik will do everything in his power to be safe. He is very trained and I trust and love the guys he works with, but you just never quite know what can happen...to any of us. So today...I am where I am in feeling like this and I am telling myself it's okay to feel this way today!
Tomorrow...I am sure I'll be over it! :)
Friday, July 11, 2008
Am I Insane?
So here it is, 1:20ish on July 11th and Erik has just taken our daughter into her bedroom for an afternoon nap. We are staying home for the most part today and just relaxing before he goes back for another 24 hour shift tomorrow!
As he's putting her down, you want to know what I am doing (well besides blogging) right now? Compiling a list of names and addresses of people to invite to her first birthday! Am I insane? It's almost 2 months away (September 5th) and I have the invites picked out (just need to order them), an idea of what I want her to wear, and now am trying to decide how big this shindig will be! For one, I LOVE to throw parties and plan them out. It is a lot of fun for me to do this, no matter howincredibly psycho stressed I get each and every time I throw a party! I should have went into party planning as a profession. And for the other reason...it's my baby girl's FIRST birthday - that's a big deal to me! She won't remember a thing - but I sure will! :)
Now I am thinking that this 1st birthday may be a bit bigger than most 1st birthdays because it's also my birthday that day too! I am trying to figure out the best time to invite people to Emily's party so others can stay for my party! I won't exactly HAVE a party for me...I would just like people to stay and have some drinks and laughs after all the kiddie stuff is done!
Well...back to planning for me! Oh the decisions one must make! :) I really am insane for planning this early aren't I????
As he's putting her down, you want to know what I am doing (well besides blogging) right now? Compiling a list of names and addresses of people to invite to her first birthday! Am I insane? It's almost 2 months away (September 5th) and I have the invites picked out (just need to order them), an idea of what I want her to wear, and now am trying to decide how big this shindig will be! For one, I LOVE to throw parties and plan them out. It is a lot of fun for me to do this, no matter how
Now I am thinking that this 1st birthday may be a bit bigger than most 1st birthdays because it's also my birthday that day too! I am trying to figure out the best time to invite people to Emily's party so others can stay for my party! I won't exactly HAVE a party for me...I would just like people to stay and have some drinks and laughs after all the kiddie stuff is done!
Well...back to planning for me! Oh the decisions one must make! :) I really am insane for planning this early aren't I????
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Thankful Thursday
This morning I woke up being very thankful for so many things in my life. It's been tough the last few days, but today...I feel so much better!
First, I want to tell you all I am so thankful for my husband. He is an excellent provider for our family. He works so hard and although sometimes being a firefighter's wife is EXTREMELY hard, I wouldn't change it for the world. It's hard when he's not here for holidays and when he's gone three days a week. It's scary knowing when he leaves for his 48 hours shift (which has been 72 hours lately) and when he drives out of our driveway, there is always the possibility that that will be the last time I see him. I miss him tremendously when he's not here and there are times I wish he was here to help with Emily every single day. However, I know he needs to work and I am so very thankful he does and I couldn't be more blessed with such a great husband. I am also thankful he is trying to quit smoking. Although I know it's SO hard on him (and me!), I am proud of him for doing it! Sure, there aremany many many times I just want to kill him, but I couldn't be happier that he is doing it!
I am also so thankful for my friend Val. I have been going through some questioning mommy moments lately and she totally lifted my spirits yesterday. She reminds me that although I feed my daughterrat poison formula, use disposable diapers, want to pull my hair out out of frustration, don't feed my daughter cake, have a daughter who isn't into finger foods yet, have a daughter who still takes a pacifier, have a drink while she's awake sometimes, want to kill my husband sometimes, don't have a spotless house, feel lazy and don't even clean up sometimes, don't LOVE cooking, can be addicted to the internet and silly tv programs, have online friends I have never met in person, plan for her first birthday already, let my baby get hurt (not on purpose...by accident), allow my baby to play independently of me, get annoyed with unwarranted advice/comments from others, and not know what the hell heck I am doing sometimes that I am actually NORMAL for all this! :) Go figure! :) It's SO nice for Emily to have a friend her same age and for me to have a friend who understands! :) Val...thank you so much for yesterday - I didn't realize how badly I needed it! :)
I am so thankful for other moms, most of whom I have never even met in person, who have reminded me I am not alone in how I have been feeling lately! They have reminded me and have shared stories with me of how they too have felt exactly the way I have! I love the fact I have online mommy friends who just get what I go through - sometimes moreso than "in-person" friends! :) Thank you online mommy friends...hopefully you know who you are! :)
I am also thankful that Emily is eating Stage 3 and doesn't quite know it *yet*. She had chunks today but it didn't even phase her! Not sure how it will go with foods other than sweet potatoes...but this was a first step! (excuse the video - it's from my cell!)
I am lastly thankful for (well not lastly, but lastly for today) the fact my grandma is still here with us. My grandma has started chemo and *so far* it has been okay on her. It has caused a lot of nausea but *so far* that's all. Chemo is so hard on the body and usually has horrible side effects. Although she's doing a kind of chemo that is suppose to be easier on patients, it is NEVER an easy thing to go through. I know there are days she just wants to give up, and honestly, I think a lot of us would feel that way, but she keeps on going...no matter how hard it is on her. I love her more than she'll ever know and am so grateful she is my grandma! :) This picture was taken in 2005.
First, I want to tell you all I am so thankful for my husband. He is an excellent provider for our family. He works so hard and although sometimes being a firefighter's wife is EXTREMELY hard, I wouldn't change it for the world. It's hard when he's not here for holidays and when he's gone three days a week. It's scary knowing when he leaves for his 48 hours shift (which has been 72 hours lately) and when he drives out of our driveway, there is always the possibility that that will be the last time I see him. I miss him tremendously when he's not here and there are times I wish he was here to help with Emily every single day. However, I know he needs to work and I am so very thankful he does and I couldn't be more blessed with such a great husband. I am also thankful he is trying to quit smoking. Although I know it's SO hard on him (and me!), I am proud of him for doing it! Sure, there are
I am also so thankful for my friend Val. I have been going through some questioning mommy moments lately and she totally lifted my spirits yesterday. She reminds me that although I feed my daughter
I am so thankful for other moms, most of whom I have never even met in person, who have reminded me I am not alone in how I have been feeling lately! They have reminded me and have shared stories with me of how they too have felt exactly the way I have! I love the fact I have online mommy friends who just get what I go through - sometimes moreso than "in-person" friends! :) Thank you online mommy friends...hopefully you know who you are! :)
I am also thankful that Emily is eating Stage 3 and doesn't quite know it *yet*. She had chunks today but it didn't even phase her! Not sure how it will go with foods other than sweet potatoes...but this was a first step! (excuse the video - it's from my cell!)
I am lastly thankful for (well not lastly, but lastly for today) the fact my grandma is still here with us. My grandma has started chemo and *so far* it has been okay on her. It has caused a lot of nausea but *so far* that's all. Chemo is so hard on the body and usually has horrible side effects. Although she's doing a kind of chemo that is suppose to be easier on patients, it is NEVER an easy thing to go through. I know there are days she just wants to give up, and honestly, I think a lot of us would feel that way, but she keeps on going...no matter how hard it is on her. I love her more than she'll ever know and am so grateful she is my grandma! :) This picture was taken in 2005.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Busy last few days...
We have been busy the last few days battling with heat, being with family and friends, and creating memories!
I am proud to say that our little munchkin FINALLY cut one of the three teeth she has coming in! She now has her first upper tooth! YAY for her (and yay for us)! She has two more coming in and if I were to bet money, I would bet they will be in tomorrow!
At any rate...we had a great 4th of July! The day started by taking our teething, cranky sparkler to visit daddy at the firehouse (in the 5 years Erik and I have been together he has worked EVERY 4th of July). It was a nice visit and she even got a nap on daddy's lap while there! :)
After the firehouse we made our way downtown to watch thestupidest parade on this planet annual 4th of July parade. All I can say is...well...it was a HUGE disappointment. The parade started with the fire engine. I was holding Emily and telling her to wave. She was waving and excited and I thought how fun this was going to be for her. Following the engine was a girl on the back of a car with a tiara. I am not sure who she was or why she had the tiara on but that's ok. She was followed by some cracked out people on bikes with very scary clown masks on. Why they chose scary masks for a parade is beyond me, but whatever. They were having fun. The scary clowns were followed by a dance group and then some people holding an American flag. We all waited for the next person/animal/vehicle/float/anything and realized after 5 minutes of waiting that it was over. It sucked. I am not afraid to say it. It ROYALLY sucked. It started at 1pm, was over at 105!!! At any rate, I did manage to snap a picture of Emily waiting for the parade to start. It's not a great picture but nevertheless, it was her first...um...I am not sure I can even call it a parade!
After all the downtown festivities we made our way home to BBQ with family and friends. As it became time to watch the fireworks, we bundled up and walked down the street. Our little sparkler was anything but sparkly. She was now tired, cranky, and full-on teething. We sat and got comfortable and waited for it to start...
BOOM!!!! SCREAM!!!!!!!! Walk back home.
Poor thing was freaked out by the sound (which was amazing since she did so well with skeet shooting when we were at our friend's house). I think her three teeth didn't help matters. We walked back and on the way I would stop to see if she was better with the noise. She only calmed down once we were in front of our neighbor's house. I guess we could have just stayed home to watch! LOL!
Yesterday we made our way out of the over 100-degree weather and headed out to Bodega Bay! It was my first time, Erik's first time, and Emily's first time there! It was SO beautiful, SO relaxing and just a great time! It's been a fun few days!!!
I am proud to say that our little munchkin FINALLY cut one of the three teeth she has coming in! She now has her first upper tooth! YAY for her (and yay for us)! She has two more coming in and if I were to bet money, I would bet they will be in tomorrow!
At any rate...we had a great 4th of July! The day started by taking our teething, cranky sparkler to visit daddy at the firehouse (in the 5 years Erik and I have been together he has worked EVERY 4th of July). It was a nice visit and she even got a nap on daddy's lap while there! :)
After the firehouse we made our way downtown to watch the
After all the downtown festivities we made our way home to BBQ with family and friends. As it became time to watch the fireworks, we bundled up and walked down the street. Our little sparkler was anything but sparkly. She was now tired, cranky, and full-on teething. We sat and got comfortable and waited for it to start...
BOOM!!!! SCREAM!!!!!!!! Walk back home.
Poor thing was freaked out by the sound (which was amazing since she did so well with skeet shooting when we were at our friend's house). I think her three teeth didn't help matters. We walked back and on the way I would stop to see if she was better with the noise. She only calmed down once we were in front of our neighbor's house. I guess we could have just stayed home to watch! LOL!
Yesterday we made our way out of the over 100-degree weather and headed out to Bodega Bay! It was my first time, Erik's first time, and Emily's first time there! It was SO beautiful, SO relaxing and just a great time! It's been a fun few days!!!
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Sunday Seven!
Now I know there are more than 5 people that read this blog...but last week I only got five replies to this. Sigh. I hope more of you will respond this time! :)
1. What is your first name and where are you responding from?
2. What did you do for the 4th of July?
3. If you were trapped on a deserted island and could have one person with you, who would you choose and why?
4. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
5. What is one interesting thing about you that most people don't know?
6. Is your belly button an innie or an outie?
7. Name one thing that made you smile and laugh today.
1. What is your first name and where are you responding from?
2. What did you do for the 4th of July?
3. If you were trapped on a deserted island and could have one person with you, who would you choose and why?
4. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
5. What is one interesting thing about you that most people don't know?
6. Is your belly button an innie or an outie?
7. Name one thing that made you smile and laugh today.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Thankful Thursday
Today I am thankful for so many different things!
I am thankful for Emily's Babylegs which are fun and bright and they fit Emily's personality SO well. They also protect her whittle knees while she crawls around on our carpet!
I love that she is SUCH a happy baby! We have been SO blessed and it's awesome she can entertain herself!
I am thankful that she can try and crawl up on me! I just think it's so adorable when I am standing that she wants to pull herself up and use me as her help!! :)
I am thankful she still validates the name for this blog and still laughs while playing with spoons! :)
And today and tomorrow, and every single day really, I am thankful for living in the best country on this planet. We are truly blessed to live here, in the land of the free. Sure, we all have disagreements when it comes to politics and the war and such, but if you think about it, we do truly live in the BEST country. I cannot even begin to thank our soldiers for what they are doing over there. They sacrifice everything...families, friends and their own life so that we can still live freely. I am so honored to know a few soldiers over there, one being my cousin, and words cannot describe how incredibly proud of them I am.
Thank you to every single soldier. Thank you for giving everything for all of us.
If you have a few moments today...take a few seconds just to send a little prayer to protect our troops and send them home safely.
I hope you all have a VERY safe and happy 4th of July! I hope you can hold your family close and enjoy your day!
Until next time...
I am thankful for Emily's Babylegs which are fun and bright and they fit Emily's personality SO well. They also protect her whittle knees while she crawls around on our carpet!
I love that she is SUCH a happy baby! We have been SO blessed and it's awesome she can entertain herself!
I am thankful that she can try and crawl up on me! I just think it's so adorable when I am standing that she wants to pull herself up and use me as her help!! :)
I am thankful she still validates the name for this blog and still laughs while playing with spoons! :)
And today and tomorrow, and every single day really, I am thankful for living in the best country on this planet. We are truly blessed to live here, in the land of the free. Sure, we all have disagreements when it comes to politics and the war and such, but if you think about it, we do truly live in the BEST country. I cannot even begin to thank our soldiers for what they are doing over there. They sacrifice everything...families, friends and their own life so that we can still live freely. I am so honored to know a few soldiers over there, one being my cousin, and words cannot describe how incredibly proud of them I am.
Thank you to every single soldier. Thank you for giving everything for all of us.
If you have a few moments today...take a few seconds just to send a little prayer to protect our troops and send them home safely.
I hope you all have a VERY safe and happy 4th of July! I hope you can hold your family close and enjoy your day!
Until next time...
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Cruisin' In Jail
So today has been a very busy day with the munchkin. No, we didn't actually go anywhere, it was busy at home! I am thinking we were jinxed when a friend mentioned she couldn't believe we didn't have baby gates up! I explained that our baby didn't need them. Sure...she'll crawl over to the tv and we pull her away and tell her no...but that isn't that big of a deal because she's usually distracted by other things.
BOY WAS I WRONG!
The past few days Emily has been drawn to the tv like a moth to a flame. She crawls as fast as lightning over to it (probably because she knows we'll be right behind her to take her away) and stops, looks at us, hears us say "No" and then touches it with one hand. We say no again. She looks and then touches it again. We say "no" again, she looks, and now thinks it is the perfect opportunity to pull herself up. Wrong. I think we have told her "no" about a gazillion times and it has finally sunk in! Today she would turbo-crawl over to it and say "nnnnnnnooooo" as she reached for it. I think I moved her about 39582967429674093670468049865 times and told her no just as many. I had enough.
Time for baby jail.
I must say it has worked like a charm *thus far*. I am praying it continues to work! After I put it up, our speedster started crawling over there and then stopped. Looked kind of confused and then sighed and went over to her toys! WOO HOO! Now I am just praying she doesn't go and pull on it! The other thing I have had to deal with all day is her cruisin' around the tables. I think she has walked the perimiter of our coffee table about 3295872035852 times today. I am SO not ready for her to be walking yet so cruisin' is okay for the time being! If you are bored and have a few minutes, here is a ridicuously-boring-video-with-my-annoying vexatious-voice-but-not-a-boring-video-for-mommy for you to watch of her crusin' abilities!
So that was our day. Our little pumpkin will be entering the Diaper Derby at the Napa Fair on August 9th at 1pm! If any of you would like to go - we'd LOVE to have you there! I think it will be a lot of fun and with her mad crawling skills...I think she'll smoke the competition! :)
And while I am waiting for the video to upload (it's taking FOREVER), I will do a word of the day to help get me to at least the junior high level...
vex·a·tious [vek-sey-shuhs] adjective
1. causing vexation; troublesome; annoying.
Waiting for this video to upload is causing an extreme vexatious situation!
BOY WAS I WRONG!
The past few days Emily has been drawn to the tv like a moth to a flame. She crawls as fast as lightning over to it (probably because she knows we'll be right behind her to take her away) and stops, looks at us, hears us say "No" and then touches it with one hand. We say no again. She looks and then touches it again. We say "no" again, she looks, and now thinks it is the perfect opportunity to pull herself up. Wrong. I think we have told her "no" about a gazillion times and it has finally sunk in! Today she would turbo-crawl over to it and say "nnnnnnnooooo" as she reached for it. I think I moved her about 39582967429674093670468049865 times and told her no just as many. I had enough.
Time for baby jail.
I must say it has worked like a charm *thus far*. I am praying it continues to work! After I put it up, our speedster started crawling over there and then stopped. Looked kind of confused and then sighed and went over to her toys! WOO HOO! Now I am just praying she doesn't go and pull on it! The other thing I have had to deal with all day is her cruisin' around the tables. I think she has walked the perimiter of our coffee table about 3295872035852 times today. I am SO not ready for her to be walking yet so cruisin' is okay for the time being! If you are bored and have a few minutes, here is a ridicuously-boring-video-with-my-
So that was our day. Our little pumpkin will be entering the Diaper Derby at the Napa Fair on August 9th at 1pm! If any of you would like to go - we'd LOVE to have you there! I think it will be a lot of fun and with her mad crawling skills...I think she'll smoke the competition! :)
And while I am waiting for the video to upload (it's taking FOREVER), I will do a word of the day to help get me to at least the junior high level...
vex·a·tious [vek-sey-shuhs] adjective
1. causing vexation; troublesome; annoying.
Waiting for this video to upload is causing an extreme vexatious situation!
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