Just had a GREAT (written sarcastically) call with a potential client. Of course it NEVER fails when I am on the phone - Emily will wake up from a nap, cry, fuss, talk, squeal - SOMETHING so the person on the other end can know she's there.
Today she was waking up from a nap and I was talking to a potential new client and was next to the baby monitor. She of course woke up because her "mommy is on the phone" radar went off and low and behold was fussing and talking LOUDLY. I didn't have time to turn the monitor down before she was heard and this is how the conversation went once the caller heard Emily...
CALLER: Is that a baby in your office?
ME: No, I am working from home today
CALLER: Oh. (very dry "oh")
ME: So did you want to set up an appointment to come in, I can see you tomorrow.
CALLER: Ummm. Do you work from home often?
ME: I do sometimes yes. My husband goes away to work for 2 days at a time and on those days I work from home.
CALLER: Well, I think I'll need someone that can give me 100% on my case, I am just too fragile right now.
ME: You have NOTHING to worry about. I understand how scary this is for you and I can assure you that I will give your case 110% of my time. I will follow through with everything from beginning to end for you.
CALLER: But what if I need you and you are working from home?
ME: Well, I will keep you updated on your case at all times and you will be able to reach me via phone or email if you need to.
CALLER: Well, I am not sure if I feel comfortable with someone that isn't in their office every day.
ME: Well I can assure you that you will be taken care of. If you'd like, I can have you come in tomorrow and we can have a consulation and then at the end of the consult if you would like to hire me we can go from there.
CALLER: Hmmm. Well, no thanks. I need someone that isn't playing a mom half the work week.
Needless to say I am pissed, hurt, disappointed, and feeling like I normally do with my business. When I got pregnant I was SO SURE I'd be able to watch Emily AND run a business full time with no problems. I was SO SURE it would be super easy to work from home with her here and nothing would be different business-wise. I couldn't have been MORE wrong!
It's been a frustrating journey for me. My business is/was something I am/was very proud of. I built it up from nothing and was actually to the point of bringing in money after all my bills (personal and business) were paid. It felt great to see the hard work I put in starting to pay off. Then...bedrest hit. That's when it all started changing. You CAN'T run a business on 2 days a week. It's impossible to do so. I don't know if I should give it up and just be a full time mommy or what. Both things I cherish. I cherish my business and I cherish my daughter. When Erik is home it's a great help and I am able to go in - but it's the days he is on shift that are tough on me. Sometimes that is 2-3 days a week depending if he has OT. If the week falls just right, he can be gone even more.
I am definitely NOT use to depending on someone financially so that is also extremely hard on me as well. Nothing feels worse than to say to my husband "I am a little short on my bills this month". He is great and doesn't blink an eye but the agony I feel inside is horrible. I feel like a failure. I feel like a burden. I feel like...well...shit.
I wish I knew the answers. I know Emily will get older and go to preschool which will free up some of my time, but it may be too late then. The other thing I think about...by the time she hits preschool, I am sure another munchkin will be in the mix and I'll be struggling with that.
Oh the dilemmas!
Well I am going to go through some clothes on and take a walk with my squealing talking munchkin right now! It's a nice day and it always lifts my mood when I am stressed! :)