Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday

This is going to be something that I am sure my family wouldn't want me to vent about. I guess it's not really a vent but more of something that has bothered me for 30 years. I am about to celebrate the 15th anniversary of my 21st birthday and for the prior 30-31 years there's been the biggest elephant in the room.

My dad and his parents don't talk. As long as I remember - they don't talk. When my mom and dad were married (they divorced when I was 4ish/5ish) they did speak and hang out - but after they divorced - they didn't. Growing up it was my mom that took me to visit my dad's parents. Weird.

So fast forward the 30 years. My grandfather has now passed on and my grandma is still here. My dad and her have been talking and even visiting every Sunday. Honestly, you have no idea how much this just fills me up with pride, happiness, love, basically an emotion I can't put into words. It's literally a dream come true!

Neither my grandparents nor my dad have really told me why they didn't talk. Honestly, I think they don't even know why. They just didn't. My grandma thought he didn't care - he thought she didn't care.

I've seen the utter pain in my dad from this. I've seen him breakdown and lose it when my grandfather died. He had never spoke to him. He was told not to come to the funeral by my aunt (conveying the message through my mom to me and my brother to get to him). You see, my aunt and him don't talk either. I've seen the pain when meaningless birthday cards were sent between my dad and his mom. They both loved each other but both were hurt.

So now they are SLOWLY mending things. They are SLOWLY getting to know one another. My grandma is 92. I am not sure how much longer she has but I am truly happy this is going on.

But when my dad visited her recently, he informed her he would like to come down to visit her with my children and myself. She flat out told him no. On two different occasions. I am not sure why and it's been bugging me to no end. This may be selfish - but I REALLY want a 4 generation picture. I NEVER EVER even remotely thought it would be a possibility and now that it is - I want it. I WANT to witness my dad with his mom. I NEED that. But my grandma's adamant "no" has me hurt. Has me questioning what is really going on.

I'm going to be seeing her on Thursday for a visit with my girls and husband. I'm going to ask her if it's okay if I come with my dad. If she says no I am going to ask why. I'm scared. I am scared of the answer. I'm scared of getting really emotional over it. It's been a REALLY emotional thing for me for many many years. My brother lives out of state so he isn't as affected as much as I am, but he's affected too.  I'm just the one that has been in the middle of this for years and years.

I'm just really hoping that even if I don't get to witness them together, that the two of them can mend their relationship enough to make both happy when one or the other passes.  I'm glad it's going on - I just wish I could be a part of it too!

Keeping my everything crossed that Thursday goes okay and I will be able to visit my grandma with my girls AND my father really really soon!

Now tell me what's on YOUR mind...


Andrea (ace1028) said...

I totally know what it's like to have family members not speaking with one another. It stinks. You lose so much time. Sigh. Definitely. I'm sorry you have had such an experience, and I hope that you are able to figure out what is going on with your Grandmother. Good luck!

Amanda and Mitchell said...

It is important to make that outreach between you and your grandmother, I have had a very similar issue with mine and we worked everything out about 6 years ago and now we have an open and honest relationship. Don't worry everything will be ok.

Shell said...

I hope that you are all able to spend time together. I wonder if she even remembers why they don't talk- or if it's just habit by now and the easiest thing to do to just go along with not talking. I hope it all works out.

Amanda and Mitchell said...

I have had the same experience and don't worry everything will work out. You have to open the communication though! I did this with my grandmother 6 years ago and we are very open and honest now. Good Luck!

Kimmy said...

Wer had a similiar situation for several years but when my brother was graduating, he invited my grandma so she came. It broke the ice between my dad and her. I'm so glad, She's the one that passed a year ago and I sure miss her. I even sometimes mimic her :o)

I wish you all the luck tomorrow and hope you get the response you are hoping for.