Thursday, September 25, 2008

Missing you...

So I am back from a mini-vacation that was wayyyy too mini if you ask me! The husband, the munchkin and I headed up to Sea Ranch to spend a few days with my dad and step-mom who were vacationing for their 26th wedding anniversary. It was a GREAT trip - but like I said...just too short. Pictures and a blog to follow in the next few days.

I came back to find my homework waiting for me from Kat. The four topics I had to choose from are as follows:

1.) Lost? How come?
2.) If I could take tomorrow off work I'd...
3.) Write a letter to someone you miss greatly
4.) 10 things I believe in...

My first choice was to write a letter to my grandmother. She has been on my mind a lot lately so this is for her:

Mam-ma...

Today marks one month and 25 days since you passed. It seems like so much longer to me. Just writing that it has only been a little over one month since you died just shocked me.

I think about you all the time and wonder if you are watching all the things Emily is doing these days. I am pretty sure you are. It makes me smile and makes my heart a little warm every time she says "Mimi". I can't help but think that maybe she sees you and is saying hi. Today was the second time she said "Mimi" and waved to the wall and said "hi" since you passed. I can't help but think you were here watching us play when she did that. I found myself turning around expecting to see you standing there smiling, but you weren't there.

I wonder what it's like up there in heaven. I wonder if you are dancing with your friends and family and playing cards. I wonder what it feels like to be able to look down on all of us to make sure we are okay. I have no doubt you are feeling better. I know you can breathe better and walk great distances with no problem. Like I said, I bet you are dancing up there - something you liked to do but haven't really been able to for so long.

I hope you liked the headstone we picked out. We weren't sure exactly what to do with all your different last names, so I hope what we picked out is okay! I think it will be, but I know how picky you can be so I hope you like it too! I also hope you liked the flowers I brought you the past few times I was out to see you.

I was going through my phone the other day looking for a friend's number that began with "M" and I saw your phone number programmed. I thought for a minute that maybe I should delete it, but then told myself I couldn't. I know I can't reach you by phone any longer but I am just not ready to take it out. I know that I can just talk to you any time I miss you (which you know has been a lot these days) and you will hear me.

Well Mam-ma, I must run and get in the shower. Emily is suppose to be napping (but as you can probably see she's playing instead of doing that) and I need to shower so I can run errands. I am going to your favorite store this morning...Wal-Mart. I wish you were here to go with me.

I love you and I miss you and I will "talk" to you soon...

Love you and miss you dearly...

your granddaughter...

Neen.

9 comments:

Melissa said...

Wow...what a sweet, touching letter!! My mom died just over 3 years ago, and I still have (and always will) her number in my phone...and often come across it while trying to find someone else. I take it as her little "hello" to me!! Sorry for your loss!!

Rachel said...

awwwww beautiful letter! I sooo miss my grammy and wish he was here to see my kids...her great grandkids.

I am sure she is very happy and the headstone is just fine!

Darcie said...

Aw. That was sweet. I miss my grandma too. She died right before Christmas in 2000. We weren't close like you and your mam-ma were but I have a great deal of admiration for our older generations and it saddens me that they're all leaving us.

Great letter!

Minxy Mimi said...

Thats a sweet, heartfelt letter. I lost my Noni 2 years ago and I still think of her often, maybe too much. I am so sad that she missed the birth of my secoond son... All I can hope is that she somehow knows him anyways.
((hugs))

Kimmy said...

What a wonderful letter! I am not looking forward to having to write a letter such as this cause it will mean I won't be able to see my grandma either. Just as in my latest blog, she's been on my mind but I feel torn. (((HUGS)))

Tiaras and Tantrums said...

sad, but lovely

Weeksie50 said...

that is such a beautiful letter..

Jori-O said...

I'm so glad you can still feel her with you. My sincere condolences...

Mommy In Waiting said...

my nana has been gone since 2003 and i miss her so much all the time!!! She lived 1500 miles away from us, and we only saw her once a year, but the times we spent were so precious. Our other cousins were practically raised by her, and oftentimes my brothers and I feel like because we were not raised by Nana that the other grandkids often discount our relationship with her. But the truth is that she loved us all the same as we loved her so much. its just a different kind of relationship, you know?

anyway now i am babblng....but just to let you know, whether its five days, five weeks, five months, five years, etc....you'll always have her in your thoughts, and it soon fades from sadness to pure joy just for knowing she's still a part of you.

god bless you!