Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I Thought I Saw...

Weekly Assignment time again - thanks to Mama Kat!

This weeks prompts were:

1.) Write a haiku about what you see out the window.
2.) Begin with "I thought I saw..."
3.) If I could live in any era of history, what would it be -- list 10 reasons why.
4.) Write a light hearted piece on how to get along with an enemy.
5.) The first time you...

I pick number 2.

I thought I saw it coming...

I thought I could see my future...

I thought I knew exactly where I would be life-wise and career-wise at this very moment.

I was wrong.

As some of you know, I am a business owner. I own and operate my own business providing paralegal support to individuals seeking help with family law matters (divorce, custody, etc) who cannot afford an attorney or do not want to hire an attorney.

I have worked in the legal field for almost 17 years now. I am 34 years old young and for half of my existence I have been working in law. About five years ago I met the man I am to spend the rest of my life with and saw my business go from part-time, to full-time, to actually being out of the house and IN an office, to now...almost non-existent.

Why non-existent?

Because of the most beautiful creature on this planet surprising us the day before New Years Eve in 2006. That is the day I found out I was pregnant.

Erik and I were not married at the time and were able to plan a very small, very personal wedding in February of 2007, before the munchkin arrived in September.

Both Erik and I had long talks during all those months. We were SO SURE that once the baby arrived, I would still be able to run my business full time and also stay home to watch the munchkin. We figured that the days he was on shift, I would work from home and when he got off shift, I'd go into the office. It all sounded logical and everything was falling into place.

During the pregnancy we went through countless doctor's appointments, high blood pressure (which lead to bed-rest for the remaining 4 months of my pregnancy), threats of inductions, an excruciating fibroid that was absolutely horrible and then...the birth.

Life as I knew it has COMPLETELY changed. I am no longer the career woman I was. I no longer have a very successful business. Our plan of me working AND taking care of the munchkin was obviously VERY prematurely developed. I have found it almost impossible to provide my clients the attention they need AND provide the munchkin the attention she needs.

So now we are at a crossroads. My business is surviving on only a day or two of office time a week. For anyone that owns a business, you know that you just CANNOT keep a business thriving on that.

Our plans of having a two-income family have also changed. We are now a one-income family. My husband works his ass you-know-what off to make sure we are all provided for. I couldn't be more grateful.

So now...I have decisions to make for my part in our story. I need to decide what to do about my business. I need to decide what to do with our future. I am enrolling in school for the spring semester and seeing how that goes. If I like it, I will probably consider an entire career change. The career I am considering takes a lot of schooling, as well as wait-lists, so by the time that rolls around, the munchkin will be in school. That will allow me to pursue either a new career, or pick up where I have left off. I NEVER never thought I'd be so old (not saying 40 is old!), changing my career. Heck, I never thought I would be changing my career! If that isn't the route I go, I will be starting over in a field that I have been in, but that will present challenges in itself. Since laws change and rules change in the legal field more often than I change my chonies, most places will want someone that has been consistently working while everything changed.

It's been a VERY hard struggle for me. But you know what? It's worth it. No matter how much I have cried, complained and threw tantrums, it's worth it. My daughter is worth it. I LOVE being able to be the one taking care of her. I don't want to send her off to day care, ESPECIALLY when we can afford for me to stay home. And just looking at her, and seeing how happy she is...I know this is the RIGHT choice for right now. How can you NOT love seeing this face every single day:

My husband is worth it. No matter how much I bitch complain about him working so much, HE is worth it.

And most importantly...our family is worth it.

So yes, I THOUGHT I saw it coming. I THOUGHT I saw exactly where we would be right at this moment. But I couldn't have been more wrong...WE couldn't have been more wrong...and I am glad we were.


Saundra@An Italian Mama Gone Crazy said...

What a beautiful post, girlfriend!

I want the world to know they can live on sooo much less than they think they need!

Our kids are everything! We had them for a reason..let's be the one watching them grow up!

Be continually blessed!


Diane said...

Wonderful story!! I've also found that it's the unexpected that brings the greatest joy :)

Trina said... are such a great Mommy! When I first met you our lives were so different! I was a Mommy and you'd want me to go places and do things and I remember saying "I cant, I have the kids" and you being like "Cant someone watch them or man, that sucks" lol!! But now that you are a totally understand!! And we do ALOT together now with our kids and I love it!!!!
Children do change your life, but for the better! They make it "richer" but not with money...with love!
I luff you!

Kate said...

Oh man, I so know where you're coming from with this. After my little monkey turned a year old, I had finally had enough of my career as a journalist. I worked long hours, sometimes six days a week, rarely saw the little guy except to make him supper and say good night to him before bed. I quit that to open up my own judgment enforcement business, and although I had a home office, I rarely was able to give him any attention except mainly weekends and some time in the evenings. I felt so terrible. Now I work my business maybe maybe 10 hours a week. That's terrible, and I don't even know if it's worth it. I'm with you, wondering what in the world I should do.
Wow, that was a book. Sorry! But anyway, I love your blog. And I really stopped by to let you know that I'm so sorry about your grandmother. That was weird though that her 86th birthday was this week. That is really weird. But again, I'm so sorry about your grandmother, that would be such a hard loss to take.

Michelle said...

What a great story about how you became a SAHM! I gave up taking over a family business to be a SAHM. I have never regretted the decision.

BTW, I noticed that you and your daughter share the same birthday. My daughter and husband both have the same birthdate in September. :)

Jen said...

It is funny where life takes you. It usually is so not where we planned.

La Pixie said...

I love this. Im glad that you are keeping a good spirit about going back to school and changing directions. best of luck!

Minxy Mimi said...

Thats a lovely post~ I think its amazing when we look back to see where we thought our lives would be. Your daughter and hubby are worth it, its what makes you happy!

Rhonda said...

Aw, very nice! And yes, it is all worth it in the end! And the middle. And the beginning.

Good luck on your schooling / career!

Simply AnonyMom said...

Beautifully written!

Lacey said...

Completely inspiring. Most of the time it's the "unexpected" moments in life that bring out the "unexpected" in us... and who knew the unexpected could be so awesome!!!

And have you seen that face?! Of course you have... but that baby of yours is sooo cute!

Serenity said...

awww I am so proud of you posting this :) I know the journey has been rough on you but so worth it and look at all the blessings you have received on the way. I look forward to reading about school and the possible career change. Hugs from me :)

Robin Ilac said...

Love your story! It is amazing how life can change us in an instance! Thanks for sharing your story!