I Thought I Saw...

Weekly Assignment time again - thanks to Mama Kat!

This weeks prompts were:

1.) Write a haiku about what you see out the window.
2.) Begin with "I thought I saw..."
3.) If I could live in any era of history, what would it be -- list 10 reasons why.
4.) Write a light hearted piece on how to get along with an enemy.
5.) The first time you...

I pick number 2.

I thought I saw it coming...

I thought I could see my future...

I thought I knew exactly where I would be life-wise and career-wise at this very moment.

I was wrong.

As some of you know, I am a business owner. I own and operate my own business providing paralegal support to individuals seeking help with family law matters (divorce, custody, etc) who cannot afford an attorney or do not want to hire an attorney.

I have worked in the legal field for almost 17 years now. I am 34 years old young and for half of my existence I have been working in law. About five years ago I met the man I am to spend the rest of my life with and saw my business go from part-time, to full-time, to actually being out of the house and IN an office, to now...almost non-existent.

Why non-existent?

Because of the most beautiful creature on this planet surprising us the day before New Years Eve in 2006. That is the day I found out I was pregnant.

Erik and I were not married at the time and were able to plan a very small, very personal wedding in February of 2007, before the munchkin arrived in September.

Both Erik and I had long talks during all those months. We were SO SURE that once the baby arrived, I would still be able to run my business full time and also stay home to watch the munchkin. We figured that the days he was on shift, I would work from home and when he got off shift, I'd go into the office. It all sounded logical and everything was falling into place.

During the pregnancy we went through countless doctor's appointments, high blood pressure (which lead to bed-rest for the remaining 4 months of my pregnancy), threats of inductions, an excruciating fibroid that was absolutely horrible and then...the birth.

Life as I knew it has COMPLETELY changed. I am no longer the career woman I was. I no longer have a very successful business. Our plan of me working AND taking care of the munchkin was obviously VERY prematurely developed. I have found it almost impossible to provide my clients the attention they need AND provide the munchkin the attention she needs.

So now we are at a crossroads. My business is surviving on only a day or two of office time a week. For anyone that owns a business, you know that you just CANNOT keep a business thriving on that.

Our plans of having a two-income family have also changed. We are now a one-income family. My husband works his ass you-know-what off to make sure we are all provided for. I couldn't be more grateful.

So now...I have decisions to make for my part in our story. I need to decide what to do about my business. I need to decide what to do with our future. I am enrolling in school for the spring semester and seeing how that goes. If I like it, I will probably consider an entire career change. The career I am considering takes a lot of schooling, as well as wait-lists, so by the time that rolls around, the munchkin will be in school. That will allow me to pursue either a new career, or pick up where I have left off. I NEVER never thought I'd be so old (not saying 40 is old!), changing my career. Heck, I never thought I would be changing my career! If that isn't the route I go, I will be starting over in a field that I have been in, but that will present challenges in itself. Since laws change and rules change in the legal field more often than I change my chonies, most places will want someone that has been consistently working while everything changed.

It's been a VERY hard struggle for me. But you know what? It's worth it. No matter how much I have cried, complained and threw tantrums, it's worth it. My daughter is worth it. I LOVE being able to be the one taking care of her. I don't want to send her off to day care, ESPECIALLY when we can afford for me to stay home. And just looking at her, and seeing how happy she is...I know this is the RIGHT choice for right now. How can you NOT love seeing this face every single day:


My husband is worth it. No matter how much I bitch complain about him working so much, HE is worth it.


And most importantly...our family is worth it.



So yes, I THOUGHT I saw it coming. I THOUGHT I saw exactly where we would be right at this moment. But I couldn't have been more wrong...WE couldn't have been more wrong...and I am glad we were.