Starting school tonight. In fact...in about 3.5 hours class will begin. I am nervous, excited, happy, sad...all mixed up in one big ball of emotion!
I am so excited because I am doing something new! I don't like to do new things - I am a creature by habit and DO NOT care for change. BUT...I think of the possibilities, I think of the future and it excites me.
I am nervous because well...it's change! Like I said, I don't like it. We are not friends. I worry that I will not like school - because honestly...I am not a school person. But, I am older and wiser now and think I will take school on in an entirely different way than when I was younger...or so I hope! I worry I won't like the new career path I am pursuing. I worry it will be a waste of time and money. I worry I will fail. I worry I won't be able to juggle everything AND school in my life. I worry about crazy little things like not finding parking on the first day (because parking there SUCKS) and then finding myself late to class only to not have a seat to sit in - or to be kicked out for being late. I worry that I will be the oldest person in class. I worry that I will not have a lab partner. I worry people won't like me. I am shy and come across as bitchy/stuck up - but it's only because I am quiet and shy. I worry people won't realize that and I will be *that* girl that no one wants to talk to and people pray they don't have to be a lab partner with! I worry that I will have to read out loud in class and won't be able to pronounce some long scientific word and people will laugh. Honestly...I LITERALLY think of these things. I also worry it will be like it use to be 12 years ago when I went to college and I will have to stand up and tell everyone my name and age and something *unique* about myself. I don't think there are many things unique to share! Like I said...yes...I actually think like this!
I am happy that I am doing something for ME. I rarely do anything for me. I am always putting people before me (which isn't always the healthiest thing). It actually feels good to be able to put myself first for a change - but that takes an adjustment too!
I am sad I will miss time away from the munchkin and hubby. Since the munchkin has been born I have been the one to be with her every single day. I have not been away from her since she was born. There will be two nights a week I will not be home to put her to bed. Although I am okay with it...part of it makes me sad too!
So that is everything I am thinking about right at this very moment. I have one small butterfly in my tummy and am hoping the butterfly doesn't invite his friends so they can all flutter away in there. I have a feeling the closer it gets to 6pm - the more of this one butterfly's friends will be in there having a party!
Wish me luck! I'll let you all know if I survive! :)