Thursday, January 22, 2009

Thinking Out Loud...

Starting school tonight. In fact...in about 3.5 hours class will begin. I am nervous, excited, happy, sad...all mixed up in one big ball of emotion!

I am so excited because I am doing something new! I don't like to do new things - I am a creature by habit and DO NOT care for change. BUT...I think of the possibilities, I think of the future and it excites me.

I am nervous because well...it's change! Like I said, I don't like it. We are not friends. I worry that I will not like school - because honestly...I am not a school person. But, I am older and wiser now and think I will take school on in an entirely different way than when I was younger...or so I hope! I worry I won't like the new career path I am pursuing. I worry it will be a waste of time and money. I worry I will fail. I worry I won't be able to juggle everything AND school in my life. I worry about crazy little things like not finding parking on the first day (because parking there SUCKS) and then finding myself late to class only to not have a seat to sit in - or to be kicked out for being late. I worry that I will be the oldest person in class. I worry that I will not have a lab partner. I worry people won't like me. I am shy and come across as bitchy/stuck up - but it's only because I am quiet and shy. I worry people won't realize that and I will be *that* girl that no one wants to talk to and people pray they don't have to be a lab partner with! I worry that I will have to read out loud in class and won't be able to pronounce some long scientific word and people will laugh. Honestly...I LITERALLY think of these things. I also worry it will be like it use to be 12 years ago when I went to college and I will have to stand up and tell everyone my name and age and something *unique* about myself. I don't think there are many things unique to share! Like I said...yes...I actually think like this!

I am happy that I am doing something for ME. I rarely do anything for me. I am always putting people before me (which isn't always the healthiest thing). It actually feels good to be able to put myself first for a change - but that takes an adjustment too!

I am sad I will miss time away from the munchkin and hubby. Since the munchkin has been born I have been the one to be with her every single day. I have not been away from her since she was born. There will be two nights a week I will not be home to put her to bed. Although I am okay with it...part of it makes me sad too!

So that is everything I am thinking about right at this very moment. I have one small butterfly in my tummy and am hoping the butterfly doesn't invite his friends so they can all flutter away in there. I have a feeling the closer it gets to 6pm - the more of this one butterfly's friends will be in there having a party!

Wish me luck! I'll let you all know if I survive! :)

8 comments:

Jo-Jo said...

You'll do great! GOOD LUCK!

The Wife O Riley said...

Oooohhh....I'm so excited for you! I know it can be a little scary but you'll do great and in a few days wonder what all the worry was about.

Good Luck!

Trina said...

I am so VERY proud of you!! You will be great!!

Young Momma said...

I am so excited for you!!! I thought all the same things before I started school, too!!! Especially the parking and wondering if I'd be late. And I was late. To my first TWO classes!!! I felt and still feel the same way every week! I'm not the quiet shy type though. I'm the type to speak my mind and be active in class but not real personal with my class mates. It's a strange combination. And don't worry about age. I've got some ladies in my class who are clearly in their mid/late forties. It's strange, because even I feel like I'm "old" to be going to school. I'm only 23!!! lol

What school are you going to?? What are you going for??

Minxy Mimi said...

((hugs)) I am sorry you are so nervous altho I know you will do fine! You are so cool and fun, who couldn't respond to that?

Hey, remember awhile ago when I mentioned my forum, its a mommy forum... if you wanna join, just e-mail me! minxy_mimi@yahoo.com

Serenity said...

Cant wait to hear how your first day of school went! Kudos for you going back to school :)

jenn said...

This made me laugh. Not because you're nervous but because we sound alot alike. I think I come across as "bitchy/stuck up" too sometimes because I'm quiet. I don't like change. And I have been thinking about going back to school but I'm afraid that I'll choose the wrong career or that I'll fail. Good for you for actually doing it. I hope I get to that point too. (I seriously have NO IDEA about careers though. I just know I need to go back to school so I can make more money and support Shiloh better.)

Oh, and thanks for the questions. I just posted them on my blog.

Susan said...

I hope you had a great first day and that those fears have been squashed. I went to college later at 26 and it was so different than going at 18. My experience was that I was in the middle...really young ones and older students. I actually loved college! I was more motivated and driven than if I had gone when I was younger. Can't wait to hear about all your adventures from the first day.