It seems like I am never here blogging anymore. I guess in reality...I am not.
It seems like I am never around anymore. I guess in reality...I am not either.
Since going back to school - it sure feels like I am CONSTANTLY on the go. If I am not at home, I am at work...which honestly, I am RARELY at. If I am not home...I am in school. If I am AT home...I am studying or working.
I miss my family SOOOOO MUCH. I miss my husband. I miss our friendship. I miss 'us'. I miss my daughter. Yes, I see her everyday - but not in the same capacity I am accustomed to! When I leave for school, or for anything really, she calls my name over and over as I am leaving. The other day I had to go into the office to do my taxes and I cried on the way there because she kept calling for me as I walked out. Right now it's making me teary thinking about it.
I feel like she is experiencing new things that I don't get to witness anymore because life has gotten so busy. She is growing so fast and I wish I could spend the same amount of time as I use to with her.
I know school is the RIGHT decision for me right now. There is no doubt. I also knew before starting that there would be sacrifices. Some days I am okay with them. Some days, I am not. Like right now.
As I type this right now, hubby is playing with her. I want to be playing too but I need to work (I am multi-tasking right now). I have clients I have neglected because of life being so busy. Hell, I have a business that is BARELY running right now. I have people I need to please and sometimes that just seems overwhelming, ya know??? I also need to study because I have TWO midterms this week. One, I am quite sure, is going to kick my ass...royally.
The time I do have I spend with the munchkin, but it isn't what I am use to. I wonder if I will get use to how it is now. I know anything worth something takes hard work to achieve it. (Did that sentence make sense??). I know in the long run I will look back and think it was worth it. I know I am NOT going to fully neglect my daughter - EVER. If school takes up too much time and it feels like it is getting to the point where I never ever see her...I am quitting. NO ifs, ands or buts about that. I just wish I had the same amount of time with her like I did. The amount of time I had with her before was pretty much 24/7. Now...it's just a tiny bit decreased but I feel the decrease. I know she loves me. I know she knows I love her. I guess we just both need to adjust. It's okay to let hubby take care of her more. It's okay to let him take on more of the responsibility that I use to have. It's okay to reach for a goal. It's okay to do something for ME once in a while.
I am just not use to putting myself first, second, or even third. It is just taking some adjustment! Some adjustment with tears.